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everyone on this earth is my child, does that mean im not a child? no, but i dont like to see myself as one. there's a principle in some buddhist teaching i read where you should treat everyone as you would your mother, because at some point, in a past life they WERE your mother. I like this philosophy, but i have parental trauma, so it helps me to view people as my kid instead, regardless of their actual age. they could be three times my age and wicked to the core and ill still look at them as my kid, and i just want the best for them. I want to be there to show them the love they never got from their current "family" or "friends," and this i know for a fact: all of them were not born abusers, they were made abusers BY the abusers. I want to help them grow

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letter from anglican church i used to be a member of, not christian anymore and it was nice volunteering there but i have bad feelings about the eucharist, in my eyes it makes me think of cannibalizing the innocent and the ceremonies with the candles just feel off to me.


so after some traumatic stuff my mom said and my sister said i felt so betrayed and hurt that i didnt want to be in the same house as them, so i left. im a very emotionally sensitive person but physically and mentally im tough, i dont really mind sleeping in the cold or walking around in the dark. back in 2024 i used to spam posts about homelessness kind of as an inside joke to myself because i feared it so much and idk why, i think subconsciously i knew that this was going to happen. 17 year old me was not prepared but now im 19 and have had my heart broken many times and it has toughened me up to a point where i could handle the adventure, which deep down i actually wanted all along. Im what most psychiatrists would call schizoaffective/bipolar 1, and as such i have had trouble working jobs like normal people. I was put on disability which i was very uncomfortable with from the get go but i kept it coming in because it helped my family (poor.) I always yearned to be more self sufficient, its one of the only things that gives me self confidence, i could care less about my looks or my height, what matters to me is if i could survive on my own and defend myself. So going homeless was actually an extremely liberating feeling, for the first time in my life it felt like i wasnt being fed with a silver spoon, and there was actually a challenge to life instead of wasting away at home 24/7.

im still on NEETbux, which makes it easier. Theres some guy named joey the gypsy who talks about his experience being homeless and how he never begged, only worked for his money, he would do creative stuff like portraits and standup comedy for change. That always sounded like fun to me, it seems much more rewarding than the jobs ive worked at, because they leave you drained with no creative passions left, and you become like a soulless automaton "wishing your life away" as joey would have put it. Maybe ill get there one day, but right now im still in a lot of shock from what my family has done, and sometimes i lose my ability to speak english. Im sure it'll get better with time though














 >>/1415/
Batshit insane mindset that goes against all common sense and ancient wisdom. Wrong, some people are just born evil. Next time you stub your toe tell me you don't curse existence for a couple seconds before wondering how you could be so crass.
You can still hold forgiveness as a virtue while acknowledging the ugliness of the world, but don't expect an enemy to be equally as forgiving. It's a self-directed thing that doesn't affect anyone else. So many people just fucking HATE you for no reason and want to see your downfall. In my opinion the best haters are callous psychopaths because it's a form of stupid entertainment for them. The worst most dangerous haters are people who make up some insane moral justification, spread the idea around and think they're virtuous for doing so.
Most people never experience the unanimous hatred or unease of people around them, but others radiate that shit wherever they go and have no way to ever hide it simply because human minds are fine-tuned to detect creeps and weirdos. So they are doomed to have grim lives in whatever communities they spend enough time within. School, work, family, all dislike them. Even though these people did nothing wrong. But waow! Buddhist teachings told me that everyone is me! That therefore makes my treatment WHOLESOME...for some reason.
> Because it just is, OKAY???

> Everyone around me are actually my kids and that somehow affects how I should think of them and how they should think of me

 >>/1432/
i never said that makes them quote "good" or "forgiving," but its a common statisticthat the majority of rapists were raped growing up, gangsters had an inadequate family/were abused, mass shooters were bullied by people. Violence begets violence, respect and forgiveness cannot begat that,it isnt possible. No one is born bad, theyre made bad.

 >>/1432/
also you seem very upset over this comment, clearly you're dealing with a lot of unresolved trauma
> most people never experience the unanimous hatred or unease of people around them
dude, ive been bullied and walked all over my whole life, plus im homeless so i think i know it better than you lol. If you open your heart and start being more merciful to everyone, youll eventually find people you want to be around. Its not good to hold on to anger or resentment for others, it only lowers your quality of life and sickens you even more...Yes i believe im more virtuous than others technically, but the real reason im sharing this in the first place is so that others may see it as an option, as it has helped me to look at things in this way.












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