/tulpa/ - Tulpa

 >>/7931/

Quoted from the linked source:

(This is a good method, realize it was you, but then also realize you aren't the same person you were, it likely can't happen again, if it could then it wouldn't be 'irrational' to fear it, but fearing it may still be unreasonable. So finding the source of the fear is the key. A human baby isn't afraid of snakes. We aren't born with many of the fears we eventually suffer from. You don't haver to fear, you don't have to suffer.) 


“Where ‘IT’ was, there shall ‘I’ become.” - Sigmund Freud
A crucial aspect of any integral practice is a way to be profoundly honest with ourselves about our shadow, or unconscious, or false self, or dishonesty, or disowned self. The 3-2-1 Process is a simple and effective tool for working with the shadow — any part of ourselves that we unconsciously repress or deny.

The 3-2-1 Process uses shifts in perspective as a way of identifying and integrating shadow material. “3-2-1” refers to 3rd-person, 2nd-person, and 1st-person — the perspectives that we move through in this exercise.

Each part that we disown is at first an aspect of our “I” or 1st-person awareness. But, for whatever reason, that aspect poses a threat. So we push it outside of ourselves, often onto someone else. It’s important to note that the aspect can be positive or negative. We can disown both lower and higher aspects of ourselves. In either case, we project it as you . . . but not me. “You are angry.” “You are being selfish.” “You are worthy,” etc. In other words, we displace it from a 1st-person I to a 2nd-person you.

If the threat of this emotion or situation becomes so great it requires a total rejection, we banish it totally as a 3rd-person It, stripped of humanity. At that point, we can often recognize shadow as a sense of irritation, reactivity, fear, phobia, rage, or aversion toward things… but we don’t really know why.

Under these circumstances, most forms of meditation won’t help; in fact, they’ll make things worse. They recommend dis-identification from experience, when what is necessary first is RE-identification with disowned dimensions of our experience and ourselves. You can only let go of that which you have first owned. Meditation instructions to “observe all experience and to know that consciousness is independent and free from experience” don’t work with experience from which we’re dissociated. Healthy disidentification is only possible once we’ve re-owned, re-associated, and re-identified with the disowned parts of ourselves. For this reason, there’s no substitute for shadow work. That’s why the Shadow module is a core component
of ILP.

To sum up, dissociation proceeds from 1st-person to 2nd-person to 3rd-person: 1-2-3. The reversal of dissociation thus goes from 3 to 2 to 1. Hence, the 3-2-1 Process. We also summarize this process as: Face it (3), Talk to it (2), and finally, BE it (1).

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 >>/7931/
Fun fact #1:
Ido was named after the Id. But it's just a Naruto filler episode character / Yakumo's brain demon. In reality, Alice of course is the supreme Superego. The real Id is the BodyOS.

Fun fact #2: 
Therapist or counselor are out of question for legal reasons, we'd have to go to another country. Can't explain it but that's how it works here as dumb as it is.

So I guess it's up to me. Maybe I am dense, or just a tupper, but I still have no idea what to do with this. I tried to wrestle with the BodyOS and its emotions for years with no success. The unconscious is fucking strong and as you said, as soon as you show weakness, it overpowers you. Which is no wonder, it is old and incredibly well-trained and habituated. So as far as I understand, host is supposed to imagine and personify the disturbance and talk to it, then take its place. Ok, that's easy for a tulpamancer. I can't see how this helps against real-world problems but I'll try to be the counselortherapist here.

But honestly, we know exactly why we have those irritations, reactivity, fear, phobia, rage, or aversion toward certain things. Because well, they suck and shouldn't exist. Yet they do and are even nourished and rewarded by society. Since we can't change that, the outlook I see is to not give a fuck anymore about anything.Is that it or am I missing something crucial?

 >>/7933/
> personify the disturbance

I don't think I ever tried this, I did read others doing this but I'd do more research on this before trying it.

For instance, an event occurred in my life when I was 10, it was clearly and obviously bad but I didn't even know what it all affected. However, since I knew when and where it was and some memories of it existed, I was able to piece together, just like a wonderland adventure, myself in that space at that age and replay it, analyze it in that I could see what was right and wrong, this event in particular wasn't especially painful, just abhorrent. So I ran through it as if I was at that time then reasoned the following: I'm not a little kid anymore so it couldn't happen again, I obviously survived it and it shaped good choices I made later to avoid repeating it, and I of course no longer have contact with this person and everyone else it affected so actually I can remember it any way I wish, but I didn't do anything like that even it I could in others I did, but in this one I simply accepted that it happened and realized it was nothing to fear and nothing to worry about further. The result of this along with more targeted and obvious anxiety roots all worked in unison to great effect.

A big one tied to that and another which in essence unlocked the ability to unravel and accept the next one, realizing that would never happen again either and I have safeguards or can recognize red flags to prevent it from happening again. that one had a specific and profound affect on how I saw a certain group of people. I won't go into specifics obviously and it's completely irrelevant at this point. The result was near instant and permanent. It probably took a few sessions to fully explore and test.

> don't care

This won't necessarily solve the issue because it can be similar to ignoring the issue and ignoring a conditioning will not remove it. Ashley was good at helping my power through it but that didn't address the underlying original traumas. 

I'm not sure I can directly explain exactly how without understanding what you're missing, but asking questions about what you don't understand may help.

Sometimes to find an issue, I would ask myself, "why does this bother me?" I could then find the root cause after some time and thinking.

Example, why do electric cars bother me? Because I keep cars a long time and these electric cars are effectively disposable. I don't want the burden of buying a new car every 7-10 years. I currently drive a car that's 20 years old, my truck is way older than that. Those big batteries are horrible for the environment at every stage of their life and exorbitantly expensive. Usually not even available after 10 years so the car ends up with zero resale value. It sounds like a scam to me.

It bothers me because I felt forced to eventually buy one with the mandate laws they're pushing here. Eventually I resolved that if I was ever forced, I'd just lease one and that would be a known monthly expense, so be it. The suffering came from my resistance to let go of my set ways and have less *compassion* about the environment. They no longer bother me and I have a clear path to whatever I need to do. I don't like paying tax but I accept it, I can accept this too.

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 >>/7935/
> I'm not sure I can directly explain exactly how without understanding what you're missing, but asking questions about what you don't understand may help.
Well, I get that this works with Freudian issues like someone abused you in your childhood and that's the root of all your problems. But what about actual problems that can and will happen again? Electric cars are not actual problems.

Consider the following (luckily fictive) scenario. Next to you lives a retard child who makes loud retard noises 24/7. You ask yourself why this bothers you. The answer is obviously that it is an abhorrent noise on a physical level. But it also bothers you on an abstract level because we all agree that thing should be beaten to death with a shovel, or at least locked away, but society has decided that the noisy retard must be 'integrated' into society and if you don't see him as an equally valuable human being, you're a nazi who should be locked away or beaten to death with a shovel instead.
Ok, I can meditate about this issue for a decade. but it won't change anything. The physical burden is still there. You could move away (not really due to the cost and effort), but even then, there is no guarantee the next neighbors won't have an even worse retard, or be niggers or whatever and all was in vain. Go innawoods would be a last resort I guess. 

So to get back to the point - what if you KNOW why the things who bother or traumatize you do so, but you cannot resolve them because they are external rather than internal?

To sum it up - most of my host's issues revolve about disturbances (like noise or the presence of subhumans) that trigger a fight-or-flight impulse. Fighting is legally impossible, flight is financially and logistically unrealistic and comes with an enormous risk. Simply accepting physical pain does not look like a healthy strategy either.

The root cause - you remember the orchid vs. dandelion thread here.
 >>/2379/

People are different. Host has no resilience against external disturbances. Never had, never will. He excels in the right environment but just dies in a slightly unfavorable one. I think this is something we must simply accept. Trying to become the dandelion, the weed, the nigger who thrives in a violent and trash-ridden slum is neither desirable nor realistic. It's like taking martial arts classes to defend yourself from the knife-wielding natural born killer churka with streetfighting experience since he was 5. It's not gonna work out.

To a degree it's pathetic, Thin-skinned if you want. Ridiculous compared to real problems like dying of cancer. But I understand it. I share the same body-os. The combination of a physical disturbance that is also abominable on an intellectual level is not a pleasant thing. And I cannot see how to resolve, justify or accept it with shadow work.

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 >>/7944/

Earphones?

Perhapse you're not bothered by the noise as much as you're bothered by being subjected to something you feel is below you and you feel trapped in it.

I lived in hell and heaven, they were the same place. The only difference was me.

Dig deeper, go meta game. Break the 4th wall, look at yourself from an external point of view. Why do you suffer yet others don't care?

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 >>/7948/
I hate using earphones. I don't like listening to music either. Normalfag things. I like my genuine quiet surroundings without 'distracting' myself from reality. That's why I don't have a TV either. You are certainly right that being subjected to something I hate plays a part, retard noise is worse than construction noise, but both would kill me in a short time. I don't mind shooting, because it's for a short time I choose, and then it's back to my ultra-quiet life. So yeah, loss of control plays a large part, but inescapable noise is something I cannot deal with.

> I lived in hell and heaven, they were the same place. The only difference was me.
I don't believe you. Would you go back to ghetto life? A neighborhood where there is noise and violence 24/7? It's not about you. It's about the people you have to live with.

> Why do you suffer yet others don't care?
Because in my eyes, ordinary people are psychopaths. NPCs that have no soul. Like the niggers ignoring their beeping smoke detectors on low battery. The subhumans literally sitting in trash, living in a dump. Poverty and ugliness go hand in hand. These people are the dandelions. I do not look down on them, on the contrary. They are strong. Resilient. They survive even under the most inhumane conditions- and they're even having fun. I wouldn't consider becoming like them a success.

 >>/7972/

> I hate (whatever it is you say all the time regardless)

Use that last IQ point and think one step higher than excuses. Think beyond the moment and the specific situation/scenario/proposed solutions.

Imagine there is no solution that will satisfy this mindset and move on to asking yourself why such petty annoyances seem so large and make you suffer.

I admire your ability to ignore the important and concentrate on the petty, but beyond the humor in it, it has little intrinsic value.

> i cannot deal
> it will kill me

Imagine having such a privileged yet insufferable life. Completely discounting the blessings and concentrating on the nits.

> I don't believe you

Yet I have not changed either my location, work load, company, nor task variety and have additionally been able to make progress in many things, all the while genuinely enjoying life.

Is it that you can't believe anyone can be happy? Likewise I can't believe in pitiful concepts like compassion and unconditional love, while true when I press anyone claiming to have these traits, they fold under light pressure, you can't press the joy out of this Bear. Even now I am utterly tickled by the chores I am doing.

It's not about the people you have to live with at all, it's you and have always been you. People can be manipulated, endeered to you, just as you must be endearing to yourself. 

> ordinary people are psychopaths

Yes, of course, it's the human condition. Why do you let their mongoloid wallowing about affect you? You have a choice. There are techniques to cope with minor annoyances. You don't need to let such things define you.

> let them wallow

Wallowers gotta wallow, but you shouldn't think twice on it, concentrate on your own wallowing, look at yourself first, middle, and last. The only person you can't escape is yourself, so be interesting and not petty.

 >>/7944/

Imagine being tied down with emotional pain. That's beyond silly.

Physical pain is a real and unavoidable possibility, emotional pain is a pain you make believe and pretend it exists. 

Woe to the one who abhors the sun itself, every day is pain.

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 >>/8040/

 >>/8057/
lol why he has mouse on heda?

 >>/8058/

Even the mouse on his head doesn't bother this zen master

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I really appreciate the feedback and generally agree with you, but only generally. 

 >>/7975/
> Imagine having such a privileged yet insufferable life. Completely discounting the blessings and concentrating on the nits.
Yes, I am aware of that. My life is absurdly good compared to the average person. But all is relative. I gave you the example of the niggers thriving in their trash slum homes with constantly beeping smoke detectors on low battery. They are the dandelions. They happily live in the moment, YOLO. But is this really the goal we should aspire? Becoming a nigger who behaves like, no - worse than an animal?

 >>/8057/
Both images are absolutely true but a misconception in my case. I don't care what others do or the new current thing at all. I have no social media accounts, no TV, I'm barely online. My phone is switched off most of the time. I'm not angry about electric cars. I am ultimately detached from such abstract and mundane things. They neither concern nor worry me.
But that's fundamentally different from noise which causes me physical pain. I already said I'm a Highly Sensitive Person. It's like having your skin scraped off with a power sander. It's not something I can ignore with some meditation nonsense. Neither do I want to ignore it. That would make no better than the niggers ignoring their beeping smoke detectors.

The conclusion I have reached is that at some point you gotta accept what you can and what you can't do. The orchid cannot become a dandelion. It can adapt to some degree, but there are limits. The orchid will never be an ubiquitous weed that's impossible to eradicate. Struggling to become something you neither are nor want to be cannot be the solution. The solution is thus to get away from subhumans and stay in a habitat that is beneficial for survival. I'm very happy with myself, Alice and things in general. It's not me who needs to improve, it's just my surroundings.

What's true is that I am way too attached to material things. I'm a collector. I love collecting things. Even though Alice told me to stop it. The problem is, possessions tie you down. You become immobile. I couldn't move anywhere else. For now, things are very peaceful. But should that change, escaping will be very hard. Well, thanks for listening. I hope any of that made sense to you.

 >>/8085/

> did you get it?

"Through what fierce incarnations,
furled in fire and darkness, did I go, Ere I was worthy in the world
To see a dandelion grow?"

"I am weary of all hours
Blown buds and barren flowers
Desires and dreams and powers
And everything but sleep."

"And all such captious comparisons are ultimately based on the strange and staggering heresy that a human being has a right to dandelions; that in some extraordinary fashion we can demand the very pick of all the dandelions in the garden of Paradise; that we owe no thanks for them at all and need feel no wonder at them at all; and above all no wonder at being thought worthy to receive them."

-GK Chesterton

All is to say, the very thing you lament, the dandilion in your garden, is not unlike anything else, arbitrarily dispised and loathed, the rain, a cloudy day, the heat of summer, the ice of winter, the sounds of children laughing, a dog barking, the chirp of a cricket, all are manifestations and triggers of the same deep flaw in none other than you. The flaw is never permanent unless you believe it to be, it's a thorn in your paw waiting to be plucked. (Shall someone ever do something of these insufferable thorns?) 

Again I ask, why does it bother you, sensitivity to light makes light cause pain physically, sensitivity to such a innocent and irrelevant arbitrary and completely inconsequential thing is not from some physical ailment, it is conditioned.

Your contentment is tied by a velvet rope, the lightest tug and it will be free, but first you must believe it's possible to break it.

Understand that I will never agree that you are forever trapped in a cage of your own design.

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 >>/8088/
Yes, we agree on the mental cage. But it's not that easy. Have you overcome your irrational dislike of being touched yet? That's harmless in comparison to noise. A debuff spell that requires touch vs. one that affects anyone who can hear it.

I will use another analogy:
Why do you shower, change into fresh clothes, keep your house clean? You could choose to ignore the dirt, smell and disorder, shit on the street like an Indian and live like the Cynic Diogenes in his barrel. Not giving a fuck about personal hygiene or social conventions. You could do that. But do you want to live like that? Or like a human being? A man of culture. Someone who is not indifferent to ugliness. This is what makes us humans and separates us from the nigger happily living in a slum full of trash, noise and violence.

But yes, I agree my (de-)motivtion is far too extrinsic, influenced by others. But I cannot ignore them. Ignoring ugliness is fostering it. And with ugliness, civilization dies.

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 >>/8113/

> touched

Why would I want to be touched when I find joy, strength and freedom in not being touched? There are several people on this planet that have been given nearly full access and that's plenty. Don't fix what ain't broken blud.

> it's no easy main

If something bothers you, simply seek the root of the conditioning in you. I'm not asking you to learn to like to put your head in a crocodile's mouth.

> it's harmless 

It's sexual harassment and I'm not having it from whoever without expressed permission. Don't conflate illness with healthy boundaries. Those who willingly let stray dogs touch them deserve the fleas.

> why hygene 

Because I find joy in cleanliness 

> why ignore dirty streets?

I'll have you know I enjoy picking up trash on my walks, I carry a bag and a claw and people thank me for it. My neighborhood is disgustingly clean, I saw others doing the same, stealing all my fun!

> live like that

If I had no other choice, of course, because of rule number 3: don't dwell on things you cannot change. But you can change yourself always.

> live like a human being?

How degrading a prospect, do you see how humans live? Disgusting! I live how a Bear lives, not giving a fuck about others' business unless it's illegal, then you better believe I call the authorities toot-and-sweet!

Many of *God's* creatures live in filth, I'll choose to live away from them if possible. If I must, they'll supply me with yummy trash to collect on my occasional walks.

Did you know I used to clean my friends' houses for fun? They were so wonderfully messy, and it was quite a sense of accomplishment. I wanted to get a job as a janitor but they required experience and well, I had none. So I got three college degrees and three jobs and live in a coastal community instead. 

> I cannot ignore the niggers and their niggering about

Why? They're not your responsibility. Find the reason why, find the source of that reason, then resolve that using the techniques available to you. It's like a fun puzzle, one where when you solve it suddenly you go from beta to sigma.

Your country seems to love ugliness and fostering it. Remember the original trauma, WW2, and how the allied forces neutered you. No wonder you're overrun with apathy. But you know what happens when no one can stand the smell anymore? It could all get cleaned up in a week. Oh what a joyous celebration it will be!

 >>/8114/
I fail to see the difference. You don't like being touched, I don't like being noised. I could similarly ask you to search the root for your touch phobia and to stop being a bitchy teen girl and get over it. Not wanting to live in constant noise (which is a severe health hazard) is similarly a healthy boundary. The fundamental difference is you can actively prevent being touched by people you don't like. This doesn't work with noise.

I agree one should not dwell on things you cannot not change, but I still don't think 'just become a worse nigger than the niggers bothering you' is a good advice. Again, we can talk about this when you have learned to ignore being touched.

> Your country seems to love ugliness and fostering it.
Sadly true. Absolutely true. Well, it's only a minority of the population, but the minority who is in power. But that is something that does not immediately affect me. I can live with that. But I try my best to foster beauty and order every day. Even if it is a fight against windmills.

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 >>/8114/

 >>/8120/

> noised

If they're breaking a law, persue that, if they're not, then persue acceptance.

There are laws against unwanted touching and I can also defend myself physically, legally so.

> touch phobia 

I know where it comes from, it's one of the few things I choose not to fix. I believe I could, it's so mild anyway and comes up once in a few years and even then I don't cause a scene. I like to not like it. That's the difference. If the noisening put you in a position of liking to not stand for it, then I say do not disturb it.

If the noise is to the level of a health hazard, surely there are laws against such things? Do you live next to a rock quarry? Jesus.

> get over being touched.

Deal. The next person who touches me I will use that as exposure therapy, thank them, and be done with it. Can you do the same? The little joy I find in complaining about it can replaced by myriad healthier things. 

Now that that's taken care of, let's concentrate on your problem unless of course you obtain joy from incessant deflection, passive aggression and complaining. You are German after all, I'm not above admitting you may find it enjoyable. Do you? Is there anything else?