my boyfriend and i hav been togethr for a year now and hav been dating sinc i was 16 n he was 21,, we have lied to my mom and said he was 17 n he would spend the night many times and come ovr n talk to my family we had an "18th" bday party for him here when he was turnin 22 xd he is my first boyfried ever and i love him so dearly but i genuinely hav no friends to get a second opinion from, i am ausitistc n i feel he takes advantage of it v . v we've tried drugs together for the first tim e ever which kinda led me into addiciton (ive had no substanc problems ever before this) hes punched my belly multiple times we cut eachother in his car whil my mom was lookin 4 me , hes raped me wne i was sleeping multiple times but im too retarded to leave him he is a lolicon and stuff which is kinda based but im scared for us to have children in fear he may r*pe them ive expressed this to him in all seriousness and he says he wil change but i am just kinda stuck because n change ever hapesn :( he is 22 with no job and he never evr showers althoguh he sits home all day and he would come over arund my family meeting him with extremyl smelly armpits and stringy greasy hair n my family keeps pressuring me to leave him but im gonna go live with him when i turn 18,, i dont kno anymoe i love him a lot but hes unironically insane and suffocates me in his armpits until i start crying .. idk wut the point of this rant was but ive never told anyone about my relaitonship b4 i mean the extents of it.. he got me sent to the psych ward n there was a whole cps case on him cause he pulled up to the hospital asking to see me and they foundout he was slapping me n hes also really into cuck stuff and brings it onto me like he says hes ashamed of it but he ALWAYS imagines me n those situitons when id never wanan cheat o n him ever ... and i never wanan fufiklk that for him, he is always telling me scenarios and how hes cutting himself becuse he knows im being r_ped at the moment. when it isnt even true.. i kno u guys probbaly dont care but from an old fat smelly mans persoective wut do u guys think and can u pls give me any advice...i cant open up about this to anyone without seeming insane and normies give me the leave him ughhh bs but ofc theyd say that i just need another perscpevictve .i kno hes a loser and stuff but i wanna marry him