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> not only am I ugly
now i know that when i say to you "why did you choose to be ugly then?" you will reply that you didn't.
... but you did. you may not be aware of it but given that you are tired of your identity yourself even, you might come closer to understanding that there are parts of you that you are not conscious of. those unconscious parts influence your life and make decisions for you, because they are you.
maybe not directly but indirectly, by not integrating these parts and pretend they are not you and become absent minded once they pilot you around, you let them make you ugly and that's choice. you could have chosen to prevent it and you can still live the life of beauty that eventually your body starts to visualize.