zawstydzony png
(6.65 KB, 194x259)
>>/69443/
In general a collapse of almost all sense of order and direction, understanding of what is going on and who you are, pure chaos in place of whatever the order was.
It is autistic and a crash because your sense of the world was all built on the same set of social rules and cues we are all subject to, barely even knowing it, but because you have the tism your sense of the world is built on non-existent foundations, and what goes on top of it is completely crooked - because you miss loads of subtleties, treat obvious empty gestures literally, you fixate on stuff completely natural for normies, you also can't just go with the flow because you have to play it out before you're not cringe (the nose in shit thing).
After a while (years) of trying to piece it together, masking, then fighting to keep it together you're pretty much done and burned out already but can't let go because there is literally nowhere else to go, only chaos. Then if favorable conditions occur, you just get rugpulled and you crash. For me it was losing my childhood boys because life happens, losing high school order and friends, arriving at a completely order and people at university, my girlfriend breaking up with me (had enough of her after 6 months but it lasted almost 2 years) and meeting my woman (this is a very long story that may find conclusion finally) which was the first time I have seen myself in a mirror, like it always should have been.
20 years of experiments later and wala, I am a real human now.