/kc/ - Krautchan

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A flying saucer crashes in the USSR. What do they find in the wreckage?
A Marxian.

 >>/35944/
Ouch.

A Pole on the course to get a car license has his eyesight checked by an ophtalmologist, who presents him with the following letters on a board a few meters away:
C Z J W I N O S T A C Z
And asks, "do you recognize this?"
"Of course I do. We were classmates in high school."

 >>/36655/
> G Z E G O R Z

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Jx9xZE773iM

Dont think there is any translations but liker in norwegian is liking/fancy

 >>/37638/
I saw Lilyhammer twice, but did not understand a thing from that video.
I guess he says something that offended the other dude then turns out it was misunderstanding, then says an even more offensive.

 >>/37642/
He says he doesnt fancy tacos (tacos is a big thing in scandinavia).

The other person gets upset and wonders why he hates norway

 >>/37643/
I see. I should introduce Hungarian cuisine to Skandinavy and call it Mexican. I would make mad bank.

 >>/37674/
Only with Paprika.

An old Sicilian lies in his deathbed, surrounded by family. As per tradition, the laziest member of the family inherits it all. 

The dying man says:

- Pedro, my son, come closer 
- Yes, papa
- Imagine you sitting on a bench on a beautiful sunny day and you see the wind carrying by a banknote of 500 francs. What do you do? 
- Nothing papa, I'll have more money later, but now I'll enjoy the sunny day. 
- Good, Pedro. Now, Sergio, come closer. 
- Yes, papa. 
- Imagine you sitting on a bank of a river and from the other bank a gorgeous woman is calling you. What will you do? 
- Nothing, papa, there will be other women in my life, but no same moment of calm and serenity by a beautiful river. 
- Good, good. Now, Antonio, my boy, come closer. 
- Come closer yourself

 >>/37682/
Good rule. He will be too lazy to gamble or drink it away.

Two faggots were arguing. 

The other one said. 

"KISS MY ASS"

Oh no no is it over its over

(sounds funnier in swedish)

 >>/37744/
Does this have something to do with how "kiss" means piss in Swedish?

A married couple on vacation in America. The bloke walks by two hot chicks and vaguely hears one of them whispering to the other: "nine".
He straightens his back proudly and steps to his wife and says:
- See those girls there? They rated me 9 out of ten!
- Yeah. - replies his wife - I also heard them talking before. They are Germans...
The joke is German chicks aren't hot.

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 >>/37751/
> Does this have something to do with how "kiss" means piss in Swedish?
Mayb

 >>/43334/
> The joke is German chicks aren't hot.

I get it. It's the pronunciation of the word

But I don't know bernd. The most attractive and qt pies women I've ever met where German women from my Uni years Had too many pleasant memories with them to ever call them not hotties. Gonna have to disagree with you there on that one.

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> government-funded NGOs

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A journalist asked Lukashenko about his views on the Belorus democracy
"I'm a dictator, it's hard for me to understand democracy" he quipped

the best joke posts themselves

British Museum is what the Brits saw around the world and couldn't leave there.

 >>/47840/
 >>/47840/
Funny joge, but kinda depressing

 >>/47843/
Yes. Best jokes are written by life. And life can be depressing.

How do they call communist gnats?
marxquito
...and Muslim ones?
mosqueito

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 >>/47840/
It's no joke
Pic related
> """expedition"""

It was a military campaign
> """acquired"""

> """collected"""

It and many other objects and religious relics were looted from temples, before some were destroyed as punishment for the monks allegedly inspiring resistance among locals

 >>/48000/
The nature of jokes is that there is at least some truth to them. And some nails the truth dead center. They are used to tell things usually not how it is told. Like this one. All the euphemisms are told instead of theft, robbery, plunder, and looting.
Is that campaign when from a 1000 bri'sh soldiers there was one wounded due to fell over a tree trunk and broke his leg?

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I have an old polish joke I heard again recently. 

A hedgehog was going through an apple orchard when suddenly an apple fell from the tree and landed just in front of him. He was about to eat it, but suddenly a great arse appeared out of nowhere and ate it.
- What the hell was that? - asked the surprised hedgehog 
Then suddenly the great arse appeared again and replied
- Antonovka

 >>/48126/
Ah. It's an apple species. Subtype. Cultivar.

Apropos hedgehog.
- To err is human.
Said the hedgehog and got off from the wire brush.
- But love conquers all.
He said again. And climbed back.

EN-KI see, EN-KI-DU.

 >>/48180/
Joge was self made.

 >>/48180/
What does Enki mean?

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 >>/24431/
 >>/24431/
I miss 76chan. Too many good frens posting there are gone now. Can't believe dudder fugged the server up for it.

Sergent to a fresh conscript who does the parade step wrong:
- You lazy maggot! Look at how you are marching! Slap your feet to the pavement as hard as you can! You aren't a civilian anymore! Don't you forget it: the military ends every civilization!

 >>/48197/
Sorry I forgot to reply. Enki is/was a Sumerian god.

 >>/48988/
What happens when a press gang finds a group of villagers? They are impressed.

 >>/49016/
I bet they were.

I wish I could die peacefully in my sleep like my father, rather than screaming in panic like the passangers in his bus.

 >>/49140/
I like that joke.

Punishment of bigamy is two mother-in-laws.

The thing is with the Great October Socialist Revolution
that it was a small bolshevik putsch in November...
nod sure if a joge

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I was looking for you bernds all over the place, is this the new krautchan? is this the place where all bernds went?
serious replies only!

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I will post what I got

 >>/50105/
> new
We are here since 2017 March.
> all
There is a couple occasionally posting.
> serious replies only!
You are BO, aren't you.

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 >>/50105/
Welcome to your new home bernd

> is this the place where all bernds went?
It's here plus bernd.group and ernstchan. So take your pick in regards to srs discussions

 >>/50111/
> You are BO, aren't you.
I think he another Pole bernd

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 >>/50106/
> that webm

oghey then

Here's joge:
What's the difference between panties and circular saw?
Nothing.Just a small move, and your finger is fucked.

 >>/50123/
I don't think he'll post more.

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Little Red Riding Hood was strolling through the woods. The wolf called out from the bushes:
- Little Red Riding Hood, what do you have in your basket?
- A bottle of wine, fresh loaf of bread, apples...
- By any chance a bit of TP?

 >>/51215/
 >>/51215/
> By any chance a bit of TP?
Toilet paper?

 >>/51218/
Yes.

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This shit is hilarious and I totally missed it 7-8 years ago when it was relevant.
https://www.thelocal.se/20161112/stockholm-transport-heads-defends-gender-equal-snow-clearing
https://thebullelephant.com/stockholm-plunged-into-chaos-with-gender-equal-snowplowing/
So in Sweden they figured they had to make snow-clearing/snowplowing gender-equal because statistically men uses the roads, cars more, and women the sidewalks and bicycle lanes. Now it's not clear to me if they divided the resources equally or scheduled the sidewalk clearing first, but Stockholm got stuck, public-transportation failed - which was also used by women and children abundantly.
Does feminism transform the brain somehow?

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Happy Australia Day, cunts.
Get a beer or three up ya.

 >>/51565/
You too.

 >>/51566/
Thanks, Big Fella.