/kc/ - Krautchan

What happens if a women and two men are marooned on a desert island?
If they are Swedish, the men will marry and ignore the woman.
If they are Danish, everyone will find a way to be happy without any
announcement of anything.
If they are Spanish, one of the men will kill the other.
If they are Greek, both of the men will kill the other.
If they are Italian, the women will kill one of the men.
If they are British, nothing will happen since there is no one to
introduce the men to one another.
If they are Swiss, nothing will happen, but it will be slow.
If they are French, there really won't be any problem.
If they are Polish, one of the men will become a priest.
If they are Irish, the woman will become a nun.
If they are German, the island will be neatly kept, before all else.

 >>/24431/
Is that the flag of Chad?

 >>/24430/
 >>/24428/
Have similars.

What is a Brit?
A lord.
Two Brits?
A club.
Three?
A colonial empire.

What is a French?
A gourmet.
Two Frenches?
A fashion show.
Three?
A perfect relationship.

What is a German?
A soldier.
Two Germans?
A factory.
Three?
A world war.

What is a Hungarian?
A merry gentleman. This is an old joke.
Two Hungarians?
Three different political viewpoint.
Three?
Impossible. One of them either a Schwab or a Jew.

 >>/24438/
> Two Hungarians?
> Three different political viewpoint.
Reminds me of the saying: "two Jews, three opinions".

 >>/24438/

That's old international joke that has many variations. Like:

1 Jew - shop owner
2 Jews - international chess tournament
3 Jews - Russian folk instruments ensemble

1 Uzbek - a fool
2 Uzbeks - two fools
3 Uzbeks - Uzbekistan Academy of Sciences.

1 Ukrainian - guerilla fighter
2 Ukrainians - guerilla squad
3 Ukrainians - guerilla squad with a traitor
(same variation for Belorussians)

1 Italian - a cook
2 Italians - bribe
3 Italians - racing team

1 Arab - pilgrim
2 Arabs - terrorist group
3 Arabs - stock exchange

1 Georgian - cult of personality
2 Georgians - totalitarian government
3 Georgians - thanks god this didn't happen
(from Soviet times)

1 American - salesman
2 Americans - humanitarian mission
3 Americans - military intervention

 >>/24479/

Something really wrong with the flags btw

 >>/24480/
What flags? Your ball? If you use .org than it will most likely place you wrong. .xyz is much more accurate, only in very specific cases makes mistakes.

 >>/24479/
In previous joge threads we kinda established that most jokes has their local variations everywhere. Mainly jokes with untranslatable wordplays are "original".
Maybe Hungarian Székely jokes have no foreign counterparts.

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I was wondering about that map of Europe with the most common nationalities joked about (pic related), is it actually true that Hungarians joke about the Scottish a lot? Or is it code word for Jews?
Also topkek at Italy

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 >>/24535/
I bet you even eat fika.

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 >>/24538/
a cake a day keeps the doctor away

 >>/24532/
> Greece mistrust of Germany
Wonder if that's just a snapshot or if that has long been the case. 

Has there been any news of Greece's money issues or the Golden Dawn or anything? They literally stopped talking about it in American news since the Republican Primaries, it has been all Trump all the time.

 >>/24541/
may just be a case of projecting. greek people arent known to be the most trustworthy let me just say that.

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 >>/24540/
Fika means booger in Hungarian.

 >>/24541/
I've no idea what's going on on the Grease nowadays.

 >>/24532/
I thought that map will come up at one point.
Yes we have the category of Scot jokes, they represent a stingy figure in them. There was a Hungarian - and I guess he posts on Kohl now - who will tell you it is a code word for Jew, as you put it. I find this statement untrue. We have a culture of Jew jokes too, openly telling them, no need to put them behind the facade of another nationality. Some present their cunning mind but others aren't that flattering. The stereotype of being niggardly isn't really fit them. While it's true they are considered to be good with money, this comes from the image of their ability of conning others and excellent bargaining technique rather than the straight denial of spending.

Example Scot jokes:
1.
A Scottish colonel enters the shop of a rubber fixer and slaps a torn condom onto the counter.
- I want this to be vulcanized. - says the colonel.
- That would be 2p but for 3 you can buy a new one. - replies the shop owner.
The colonel leaves, then next day he returns.
- I conferred with the regiment. We choose vulcanization.

2.
An English, an Irish and a Scot preparing for a picnic.
- I bring the steak. - says the English.
- I bring beer. - says the Irish.
- I bring my brother. - says the Scot.

So how these could be turn into Jew jokes? They cannot be.

 >>/24548/
Example Jew jokes:
1.
The Jew goes to his rabbi. He says:
- My geese are dying. What should I do?
- Feed them with corn.
The Jew comes again next week.
- My geese are still dying. What now?
- Feed them barley.
The Jew comes again next week.
- My geese are still dying. What now?
- Feed them millet.
The Jew comes again next week.
- All of my geese are dead.
- Too bad. I've still many more great ideas.,

2.
Jewish kid to his father:
- Is it true that my mother is a Jew?
- Yes, it's true.
- And is it true that you are a Gypsy?
- Yes, it's true.
- Then what am I? Gypsy or a Jew?
- Why do you ask?
- A classmate of mine has a nice watch and I don't know if I should steal it or try to bargain.

3.
On Sunday a veteran in uniform and a Jew sits at the two sides of the stairs leading from the church's door. As the believers start to pour out after the mass both start to beg for money. The good Christians give to the veteran, even more as they realize that the other is a Jew, they give generously to the vet just to see the Jew fail. After them came the priest and turns to the Jew:
- Here you won't get any money. It was a mistake for you to come.
- Oh, we know it better... - replies the Jew, then calls out to the veteran - ...right, Kohn?

Some might say Jewish jokes were banned during the communism so then they had to be replaced by Scot jokes, an actual proofs yet to be seen, like the law itself, and considering there still were Jew jokes I consider this argument bullcrap.
Here's a political one, from the communism.
4.
During a mandatory communist political course at the end of the class the lecturer turns to the audience and says:
- Any questions?
- I have some! - comes forward Grün - Where are the rich fields of wheat? Where are the small shops with busy artisans? Where is the happiness? Where is the freedom?
Next week, course, end of class, lecturer says again:
- Any questions?
- I have but only one. - says Kohn - Where is the Grün?

 >>/24549/
There are the Móricka jokes. Most people probably doesn't realize it but the hero of these jokes, a kid named Móricka (diminutive form of Maurice) is Jewish. From most it doesn't show. But some has implications, other say it outright.
These are vulgar jokes, the topic is oftentimes naughty or makes fun of Christianity. On many occasion Móricka has some cunning replies or hits the nail on the head in some "clever" way while misunderstood what other say to him.
They are sometimes mistaken with Pistike jokes (diminutive of Stephen), but on some level the two hero are compatible/interchangeable so no biggie. However Pistike is 100% Hungarian.

From the top of my head I know one Móricka joke:
Móricka's dead turns to his kid:
- Móricka, you always get bad grades in school. For punishment I transferred you to a Catholic one, you start tomorrow.
So Móricka goes to school and his grades suddenly improve. His dad call him to his office for a talk.
- I see you get better grades. Tell me what happened.
- Well first day I entered the gates and I found myself in front of a man nailed to a cross. I was surprised at first but then as I looked for the classroom in the building I saw another man nailed to a cross. I got frightened. Then I entered the classroom and over the blackboard was a third man nailed to the cross. I decided at that moment I'll learn better, these aren't fuck around.

 >>/24548/
scots do have a reputation of being very tight with money. also of being very grumpy. we have similar jokes here about scots.

 >>/24552/
I think this category stands out here because we don't have any similar to other foreigners. Ofc we joke about them but we don't have so much to put it in a distinct category. And with different nationalities the butt of the joke oftentimes aren't them.

Reagen, Gorbachev and Ceausescu are traveling in a car. They try to guess where they are at by showing their hands out of the window.
Reagen says: We are in the US, someone kissed my hand.
Gorbachev: We are in the SU, someone spit on my hand.
Ceausescu: We are in Romania, someone stole my watch.

American, Russian and Hungarian secret agent are having a chat.
- I work with my partner in the same office. He doesn't know what I'm doing and he doesn't care. - says the American.
- I work with my partner at the same desk. - trumps the Russian - He doesn't know what I'm doing and he doesn't care.
- I work alone. - the Hungarian joins in - I don't know what I'm doing and I don't care.

We have more jokes about different folks of our own country than let's say, our neighbours - as the trend goes on that map above.

A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian found themselves deserted on a small island. A Cannibal tribe lived on the island, and they imprisoned the three men. The cannibals gave each of them a final wish. First they asked the Norwegian. The Norwegian wanted to see his wife once more. The cannibals went to find the wife. After he saw his wife, the Norwegian was eaten, and the cannibals made a canoe out of his skin.

The Finn wanted to smoke one more cigarette. He got his cigarette. After he was finished, he was eaten and his skin was used to make a canoe.

Then came the Swede's turn - he wanted a knife. He started to punch holes into himself, and yelled: "YOU WON'T MAKE A CANOE OUT OF ME!"


How does a Norwegian make a counterfeit 100 kronor banknote?

He takes a 1000 kronor banknote and crosses out the last 0


Q: Why did the Norwegian take a ladder with him to the supermarket?
A: Because he'd heard the food prices in Oslo were extremely high.

Q: Why did the Norwegian crawl on the floor through the supermarket?
A: Because they're looking for the low prices.


In sweden danes are seen as the jews of scandinavia, norwegians as happy retards and finns arent even nordic.

Our most common kind of international jokes involves the Portuguese, who are always dimwitted. They're not very original, it's about the same as blonde women jokes. Ex:
A Portuguese tourist in Brazil enjoys his stay too much and burns almost all of his funds on vanities. Realizing his desperate financial situation, he remembers he can ask his expatriate uncle Manuel for money. But to his dismay, he can't remember where he lives nor has any contact with him. He spends the very last money he has to send a telegraph message back home:
-Father, do you know where uncle Manuel lives?
After some time, he receives an answer:
-Yes.

A Portuguese hotel guest phones the reception to complain of insects flying around in his room. They suggest he turn off the lights. He does so, but fireflies appear. He angrily phones again and says:
-Now they came back with flashlights!

Other foreigners appear, but usually only to interact with Brazilians. On the other hand regional jokes are richer. Three types are abundant:
-Gaúcho jokes. They are always gay.
-Mineiro jokes. They are peasants with a strong accent and a savvy, distrusting personality.
-Baiano jokes. They eat spicy food, worship African witchcraft and are very lazy.

 >>/24589/
A variant of the first one without Scandinavians has the first asking for a piece of the Space Shuttle, which the cannibals provide along with a NASA press release attesting its legitimacy, the second asking for a chunk of Jesus' robe, which he receives along with a handwritten letter from the Pope acknowledging its validity. And the punchline is more vulgar.

 >>/24589/
and swedes is lobotomized nwo servants (my opinion)

 >>/24589/
I heard Norwegians and Finns hate Swedes and feel more or less the same way. Kinda funny how the same feeling is felt all over Scandinavia. You guys pretty much rip on each other all the time. LOL


 >>/24600/
bwahaha, not even Brazilians respect the Portuguese. 

Thread's pretty good. Bumping for now

 >>/24620/
There will always be a rivalry between neighboring nations. Maybe its a bit more heated here, I think the wars between denmark and sweden is the most in world history (something like 44 wars) for example. Maybe its the climate?

 >>/24589/
According to the map above all the Skandis jokes about Swedes. In most cases that map is about who is in the center of thoughts of each nation. A kind of a butthurt map.

 >>/24600/
The first joke is very familiar. But maybe because I frequently reply such things to my conversational partners. Sometimes when someone asks me to remind him/her to do something later I go ahead with the reminding right at that moment. I'm fond of the absurdity of these situations.
Tell a Baiano joke pls.

 >>/24624/
> heated Skandi rivalry
Kek.

Germany: Fredrick the great, Hitler, Otto von bismark, Martin Luther
France: Napoleon, Joan of arc, Baguettes, Bastille, Eiffel Tower, charlemange
Sweden: Gustav Adolfus, Beautiful women, Vikings, Blond hair
Italy: Rome, Venice, The vatican(Though its shit), Pasta, Pizza
Greece: Philosophy, Art, Athens, Sparta, Pottery, Beautiful history
Britain: Henry the 8th

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 >>/24639/
> Tell a Baiano joke pls.
A baiano on a hammock asks his friend:
-My king [typical greeting]... do you have any medicine for snake bites?
-I don't. Why do you ask? Did you get bitten?
-No, but there's a snake moving in my direction.

Two baianos are in hammocks. One of them asks the other:
-My king, is my fly open?
-No.
-Then I'll pee tomorrow.

Sunday morning. Baiano newlyweds sit on the sofa and the pregnant wife knits a woolen shirt for her baby. She pokes her husband and asks:
-Honey, please go to the pharmacy and buy me some Thalidomide, I'm too tired to knit the sleeves.

Four baianos rob a bank and park their car a few km ahead of it. One of them asks the gang's boss:
-So, are we going to count the money?
-Why bother? Let's just wait for it to appear on the news.

Three o'clock in the afternoon. Two baianos sit beneath a tree in front of a road. A car passes and throws a $100 note through the window, but it lands on the other side of the pavement. After five minutes, of them says:
-Man, if the wind blows in our direction we'll have a great day.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=eIPp4AJ554A

https://youtube.com/watch?v=RNvvkv4UDdM

the two ronnies is just magical for me.

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 >>/24648/
Reminds me Pató Pál úr (= Mr. Paul Pató). He was a real person, a minor official of noble birth, lived in the first half of 19th century. One of our great poet wrote a poem, seemingly about him but as a criticism of the impotence of the middle/lower nobility and indirectly of Hungary. His character is the epitome of idleness, his favourite saying is: "oh we still have time for that".

 >>/24781/
Very much liked Olsen Banden.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=zoElvKXKdaA

https://youtube.com/watch?v=I6Veqg8ZcqI

https://youtube.com/watch?v=y0C59pI_ypQ

a nice weekend to all of you bernds in the chan

I raise my glass of wine to you

At a Catholic Sunday school a group of students were asked what they wanted to be when they grow up. The first kid said I want to be a firefighter, another said I want to be a priest, and this girl said, "I want to be a prostitute". The nun looks at the child in utter horror and says "You want to be a what?" The girl responds "a prostitute". The nun sighs relief and says "Good, for a second I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."

 >>/24793/
God loves prostitutes.

Who was called by Bell first?

 >>/24834/
his lover?

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Hitler visits a concentration camp and orders all inmates to be set up in line for inspection. He approaches the first one and orders:
-Jump as high as you can, Jew.
He jumps a meter high. Hitler congratulates him and says:
-Give him a loaf of bread.
He approaches the next prisoner and says:
-Jump as high as you can.
The Jew leaps two meters in the air. Hitler commends him and tells his aides:
-Give this man two loaves of bread.
He then moves to the next inmate and demands:
-Leap as high as you can, Jew.
He reaches three meters in the air. Hitler notes:
-This one can jump off the camp fence, shoot him.

How many Jews can you fit in a car? 250. 1 in the driver's seat, 4 passagers and 245 in the ashtray.

Yesterday I saw a black man in the street with an umbrella and I thought it looked very similar to mine. But then I remembered mine was cleaning my shoes back home.

My grandmother liked blacks so much she had 30 of them in her farm.

Why can't gypsies make money with fortune telling in Africa? Because Africans have no future.

A black man enters a pharmacy and asks for a skin-colored bandaid. The clerk replies:
-On the store across the street you can buy electrical tape.

A black man enters a gun store and reviews his options with the clerk:
-Can you sell me an assault rifle?
-No.
-A light machine gun?
-No.
-A RPG?
-No.
-A bolt-action rifle?
-No.
-A pistol?
-No.
The negro leaves the store infuriated and tells his lawyer:
-That white man doesn't want to sell me a weapon!!!
The lawyer moves to the shop to investigate and asks the vendor:
-What do you have against blacks?
-Assault rifles, LMGs, RPGs, bolt-action rifles and pistols.

I'm not a racist. Racism is a crime and that's something for niggers.

 >>/27299/
some are world-wide known classics I see

 >>/27303/
How do you identify an upper class Ethiopian? He wears a Rolex on his waist.

Blacks are so nice, too bad they're not for sale anymore.

 >>/27299/
> Hitler visits a Polish concentration camp
> How many Jews can you fit into a VW Beetle? 6 mil...

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 >>/27318/
you better delete that post, kid

 >>/27299/
We have a kinda clumsy adaptation of that gun store joke:
The gypsy goes to the library, the skinhead the librarian.
- Gimme a Chekhov. - says the gyppo.
- We don't have that.
- Then a Tolstoy.
- We don't have that either.
- How about Dostoevsky?
- We're out of his books.
- What do you have?
- Kalashnikov.
- He wrote what?
- Gypsies.
The joke is a wordplay here too. The past tense of write and the present of terminate/exterminate sounds the same.

A sergeant and a soldier goes to brothel. Since brothel doesnt have lights, sergant orders the soldier to hold a light while he fucks the prostitute.

After humb and dump several tries, sergeant complains he cant do it while the soldier looks at him. The soldier asks if it's okay to take the chance and sergeant let him do it.

This time sergant holds the light while the soldier is doing ficki ficki. After several hours of sex, both the whore and soldier ends up satisfied.

Then the sergant approaches and says:

See, that's how you hold a light you incompetent bastard!

 >>/27549/
 >>/27549/
someone make altaic vs indo nigger version plox. 

if you insult any indo euro language I upvote and subscribe.

 >>/27549/
While the message is true behind all that what's written sounds forced and lame sadly.

 >>/27550/
German is Hitlerspeech, French is slimy and effeminate, Dutch is simply ugly, Slavs aren't deserve any consideration.

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 >>/27590/

Italians don't even have proper language, they just waving hands and making random sounds.

 >>/27592/
havent seen any better description. this should be taught in schools.

 >>/27592/
And they sound like a malfunctioning air-raid siren with that fluctuating intonation.

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 >>/27592/
 >>/27594/
 >>/27595/
Delete this, Italian is the apex of extant Romance languages and feels like music when spoken and literature when written

 >>/27608/
That's pretty harsh insult to other Romance languages, good job.
Now about Skandinavians. Swedish feels similarly effeminate to French, and even the Swedes insult Danish as if it would be the spurdo language of theirs. And they call Norwegians simply retarded, this language I've never heard.

 >>/27549/
I will still never understand the gender meme that appears in most yuro languages.
t. retard

 >>/27614/
What do you mean? English has genders, tho they are utterly pointless since don't used for anything other than signifying whom you talk about which should be clear from the context anyway.

 >>/27617/
I'm talking about when genders are applied to inanimate objects. I've heard this is particularly confusing in Germany nowadays because of ess jay dubyas commonly applying the Neuter gender to everything.

 >>/27620/
Ah yes. German makes use of genders. Ofc that is pointless too languages work without that just fine. Not to mention it is inconsistent.

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 >>/27592/
 >>/27592/
 >>/27592/
> Italians don't even have proper language
Italians truly are an oppressed race

A classic one.
What's the difference between the pedophile and he pedagogue?
The pedophile likes children.

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 >>/27620/
> I'm talking about when genders are applied to inanimate objects. I've heard this is particularly confusing in Germany

In Russian it is also prevalent - every word has a gender, it does not matter if it is inanimate object or not. There are three of them, masculine, feminine or neutral, and gender of the word is determined mostly by word ending and different subtle rules. Some object have two words with both genders, like koshka and kot (кошка, кот, cat), but most of them are single-worded.

Often you can often detect native Russian speaker, because he uses "it" in English less and uses gendered "he" and "she" even for simple objects.

There is no problem with this rule, I is pretty easy if you know language. Some exception exists, like popular controversy about coffee (кофе) - it was masculine in past (кофей), but sounds and written like grammatical neutral nowadays. Both usages are correct, but snobs and aesthetes may be angry when you are using neutral instead of masculine.

And, of course different kind of local feminists and other lefties are mad about all this gendered thing but who cares.

 >>/27778/
> sounds and written like grammatical neutral nowadays
> local feminists and other lefties are mad about

That's total bullshit.

 >>/27779/
>  >sounds and written like grammatical neutral nowadays
> bullshit

It is allowed to be used with neutral, especially in spoken language. You may google, there is plenty about it. And yes, it looks like neutral-gendered word with that "-e" ending (солнце, for example), so that contusion exists.

>  >local feminists and other lefties are mad about

I wrote this not about coffee, but about all that gendered language thing. Maybe I used some dubious phrasing, but whatever.

If you think that they aren't mad, google "феминитивы" and enjoy.

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 >>/27780/
> google, there is plenty about it
Google kikes must be burned alive.
Кофе - только он.

> "феминитивы"
These language perversions must be destroyed along with their pushers.

Dad talks to his little son.
- Johny why are your eyes so red?
- Oh, I was just smoking some weed. 
- Don't lie to me, you were crying you fucking pussy!

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 >>/27783/
Great joges gomrade.

 >>/27790/
lel'd

 >>/27783/

I'm still don't understand such amount of purism about coffee gender. It looks like neutral gender, it also allowed to use it as neutral in vulgar/spoken language.

> These language perversions must be destroyed along with their pushers.

They already suffer under evil white patriarchy.

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-I must admit, Mr. Zhang, that this meat pastry is a delicacy, but I'm too full to eat the last one. Could you pack it up for takeout?
-Of coulse, that's flee of chalge.
-I'll give it to my dog, I'm sure he'll love it.
-Youl dog...
-What is it?
-Is it a cannibal?

 >>/28424/
Santa visits Ethiopia and meets a bunch of starving kids.
- Were you good kids? Have you ate your dinner?
- No.
- Well, no dinner, no chocolate!

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 >>/28429/

up

A Jew waltzes into his bathroom and finds his beautiful housemaid taking a shower. He asks:
-Are you alone?
-Yes, I am.
-Do you like to fuck?
-Yes, a lot.
-Then go fuck someone else, that soap is mine.

A beggar knocks at Isaac's door and says:
-A few cents, for God's sake.
-You can throw them under the door.

John Paul II was worried that Poles had a reputation of being dimwits. He addressed this by gathering a team of the brightest Polish architects and engineers and asked of them a glorious feat that'd showcase Polish brilliance to the world.
Some time later they return, announcing they have set the Tower of Pisa straight.
-But that's a World Heritage Site! Undo that immediately and figure out something else.
Months later they come to him with good news: they repaired the Colosseum.
-No, why did you do that! Undo it and make me a true marvel.
After a period they proudly note to him:
-We've built the largest bridge in the world.
-Where? Excitedly asked the Pope.
-In the Sahara.
-It can't be. Go back and dismantle it.
A day later they come to him and say:
-Father, we can't take down the bridge.
-Why?
-It's full of Portuguese fishermen trying to catch trout.

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 >>/30779/
> that soap is my grandpa

> bridge in the Sahara
Amateurs. Try tunnels in the plains.

Old Chinese proverb says:

"Those who says that one man can't change the world, didn't try to eat an undercooked bat".

 >>/35647/
Wisdom of bat falcon.

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Why did the hardworking manager completely fail in his new job as an auto parts salesman?
He was tireless.

 >>/35668/
Who runs in front of a car gets tired.
I read this on a Kung Fu-ce memegenerator meme in 2009.

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A flying saucer crashes in the USSR. What do they find in the wreckage?
A Marxian.

 >>/35944/
Ouch.

A Pole on the course to get a car license has his eyesight checked by an ophtalmologist, who presents him with the following letters on a board a few meters away:
C Z J W I N O S T A C Z
And asks, "do you recognize this?"
"Of course I do. We were classmates in high school."

 >>/36655/
> G Z E G O R Z

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Jx9xZE773iM

Dont think there is any translations but liker in norwegian is liking/fancy

 >>/37638/
I saw Lilyhammer twice, but did not understand a thing from that video.
I guess he says something that offended the other dude then turns out it was misunderstanding, then says an even more offensive.

 >>/37642/
He says he doesnt fancy tacos (tacos is a big thing in scandinavia).

The other person gets upset and wonders why he hates norway

 >>/37643/
I see. I should introduce Hungarian cuisine to Skandinavy and call it Mexican. I would make mad bank.

 >>/37674/
Only with Paprika.

An old Sicilian lies in his deathbed, surrounded by family. As per tradition, the laziest member of the family inherits it all. 

The dying man says:

- Pedro, my son, come closer 
- Yes, papa
- Imagine you sitting on a bench on a beautiful sunny day and you see the wind carrying by a banknote of 500 francs. What do you do? 
- Nothing papa, I'll have more money later, but now I'll enjoy the sunny day. 
- Good, Pedro. Now, Sergio, come closer. 
- Yes, papa. 
- Imagine you sitting on a bank of a river and from the other bank a gorgeous woman is calling you. What will you do? 
- Nothing, papa, there will be other women in my life, but no same moment of calm and serenity by a beautiful river. 
- Good, good. Now, Antonio, my boy, come closer. 
- Come closer yourself

 >>/37682/
Good rule. He will be too lazy to gamble or drink it away.

Two faggots were arguing. 

The other one said. 

"KISS MY ASS"

Oh no no is it over its over

(sounds funnier in swedish)

 >>/37744/
Does this have something to do with how "kiss" means piss in Swedish?

A married couple on vacation in America. The bloke walks by two hot chicks and vaguely hears one of them whispering to the other: "nine".
He straightens his back proudly and steps to his wife and says:
- See those girls there? They rated me 9 out of ten!
- Yeah. - replies his wife - I also heard them talking before. They are Germans...
The joke is German chicks aren't hot.

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 >>/37751/
> Does this have something to do with how "kiss" means piss in Swedish?
Mayb

 >>/43334/
> The joke is German chicks aren't hot.

I get it. It's the pronunciation of the word

But I don't know bernd. The most attractive and qt pies women I've ever met where German women from my Uni years Had too many pleasant memories with them to ever call them not hotties. Gonna have to disagree with you there on that one.

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> government-funded NGOs

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A journalist asked Lukashenko about his views on the Belorus democracy
"I'm a dictator, it's hard for me to understand democracy" he quipped

the best joke posts themselves

British Museum is what the Brits saw around the world and couldn't leave there.

 >>/47840/
 >>/47840/
Funny joge, but kinda depressing

 >>/47843/
Yes. Best jokes are written by life. And life can be depressing.

How do they call communist gnats?
marxquito
...and Muslim ones?
mosqueito

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 >>/47840/
It's no joke
Pic related
> """expedition"""

It was a military campaign
> """acquired"""

> """collected"""

It and many other objects and religious relics were looted from temples, before some were destroyed as punishment for the monks allegedly inspiring resistance among locals

 >>/48000/
The nature of jokes is that there is at least some truth to them. And some nails the truth dead center. They are used to tell things usually not how it is told. Like this one. All the euphemisms are told instead of theft, robbery, plunder, and looting.
Is that campaign when from a 1000 bri'sh soldiers there was one wounded due to fell over a tree trunk and broke his leg?

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I have an old polish joke I heard again recently. 

A hedgehog was going through an apple orchard when suddenly an apple fell from the tree and landed just in front of him. He was about to eat it, but suddenly a great arse appeared out of nowhere and ate it.
- What the hell was that? - asked the surprised hedgehog 
Then suddenly the great arse appeared again and replied
- Antonovka

 >>/48126/
Ah. It's an apple species. Subtype. Cultivar.

Apropos hedgehog.
- To err is human.
Said the hedgehog and got off from the wire brush.
- But love conquers all.
He said again. And climbed back.

EN-KI see, EN-KI-DU.

 >>/48180/
Joge was self made.

 >>/48180/
What does Enki mean?

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 >>/24431/
 >>/24431/
I miss 76chan. Too many good frens posting there are gone now. Can't believe dudder fugged the server up for it.

Sergent to a fresh conscript who does the parade step wrong:
- You lazy maggot! Look at how you are marching! Slap your feet to the pavement as hard as you can! You aren't a civilian anymore! Don't you forget it: the military ends every civilization!

 >>/48197/
Sorry I forgot to reply. Enki is/was a Sumerian god.

 >>/48988/
What happens when a press gang finds a group of villagers? They are impressed.

 >>/49016/
I bet they were.

I wish I could die peacefully in my sleep like my father, rather than screaming in panic like the passangers in his bus.

 >>/49140/
I like that joke.

Punishment of bigamy is two mother-in-laws.

The thing is with the Great October Socialist Revolution
that it was a small bolshevik putsch in November...
nod sure if a joge

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I was looking for you bernds all over the place, is this the new krautchan? is this the place where all bernds went?
serious replies only!

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I will post what I got

 >>/50105/
> new
We are here since 2017 March.
> all
There is a couple occasionally posting.
> serious replies only!
You are BO, aren't you.

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 >>/50105/
Welcome to your new home bernd

> is this the place where all bernds went?
It's here plus bernd.group and ernstchan. So take your pick in regards to srs discussions

 >>/50111/
> You are BO, aren't you.
I think he another Pole bernd

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 >>/50106/
> that webm

oghey then

Here's joge:
What's the difference between panties and circular saw?
Nothing.Just a small move, and your finger is fucked.

 >>/50123/
I don't think he'll post more.

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Little Red Riding Hood was strolling through the woods. The wolf called out from the bushes:
- Little Red Riding Hood, what do you have in your basket?
- A bottle of wine, fresh loaf of bread, apples...
- By any chance a bit of TP?

 >>/51215/
 >>/51215/
> By any chance a bit of TP?
Toilet paper?

 >>/51218/
Yes.

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This shit is hilarious and I totally missed it 7-8 years ago when it was relevant.
https://www.thelocal.se/20161112/stockholm-transport-heads-defends-gender-equal-snow-clearing
https://thebullelephant.com/stockholm-plunged-into-chaos-with-gender-equal-snowplowing/
So in Sweden they figured they had to make snow-clearing/snowplowing gender-equal because statistically men uses the roads, cars more, and women the sidewalks and bicycle lanes. Now it's not clear to me if they divided the resources equally or scheduled the sidewalk clearing first, but Stockholm got stuck, public-transportation failed - which was also used by women and children abundantly.
Does feminism transform the brain somehow?

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Happy Australia Day, cunts.
Get a beer or three up ya.

 >>/51565/
You too.

 >>/51566/
Thanks, Big Fella.