/pone/ - World of Equestria

 >>/9079/
>  Would it be better to use 'their' instead? 

It isn't 'their' magic until they absorb it.
Picture it this way - they're in a mostly constant mist, like a light rain - only it's not coming from clouds, it's coming from waves crashing against the upper, inner edge of the mountain caldera, and the shattered and diffused moisture is now slowly, irregularly landing on the pegasi's backs, which is what's powering their wings at all.
Too much flapping relative to the amount of invisible, sparsely distributed energy/rainfall, and they convert back to being earth ponies until a short time later.
Starry is absorbing magic the whole time, and mostly not using, and also is able to 'hold' more in total.

There's going to be a spot, near the ledge, where there isn't any magic, and the girls will have to be hauled up hoof over fetlock.
Then the rip-tide forces of magic-spray will try to push them right back over the edge again.

 >>/9080/
Oh, yeah, you have gone into this some. Forgot. I guess bridgefag's joking suggestion here isn't that nonsensical when I think about it.
 >>/8708/
> Magic is a force in the air and in nature and the uni- in unicorn means they unify it into themselves as a vessel for its manifestation and use.


> There's going to be a spot, near the ledge, where there isn't any magic, and the girls will have to be hauled up hoof over fetlock. Then the rip-tide forces of magic-spray will try to push them right back over the edge again.

How aware are the characters of this dynamic? I mean, some of your description implies some of this (I mean passive magic in general)If I recall, didn't Starry express surprise at his magic being stronger at one point? I might be misremembering probably am.

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Any fic recommendations? I don't care if here or elsewhere. I am board and I am looking beyond the normal bias of the FimFic thread on /mlp/.

 >>/9695/
*bored

 >>/9695/
> I am board

I'm on board with those who are bored!

I didn't finish, but liked the experience of reading Subjunctive - a story about the Changeling invasion of Canterlot but it was all about the proposed differences in how Changeling language works.
Since words can fascinate me, I enjoyed it quite a bit.

I also started in on Project: Sunflower, which about a gal turned into a pony so she could spy on Equestria, since Earth was facing a gray-goo scenario and needed someplace to run to.
The reason I started on that, was I'd offered to critique a piece written in that universe that focused on building the apartment complex that would house the last billion people expected to be alive and retrievable by the time it had been cleared to begin construction.
That title, that I forgot, would only be interesting in you were fascinated by plumbing, and other engineering concerns. I could go either way, and this one didn't grab me since it was focusing on committee meeting drama and miscommunication, rather than the actual engineering of the building.

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 >>/9702/
>  Subjunctive - a story about the Changeling invasion of Canterlot but it was all about the proposed differences in how Changeling language works. Since words can fascinate me, I enjoyed it quite a bit.

I skimmed through some of it and liked what I saw so far. It looks the kind of thing that I think was looking for: Off the beaten path from the big fics of old I see circlejerked while also not being something that was the reason people circle jerked them (Low tier self inserts and one shots). Thanks!

> I also started in on Project: Sunflower, which about a gal turned into a pony so she could spy on Equestria, since Earth was facing a gray-goo scenario and needed someplace to run to.

Can be interesting, can be not. HiE fics of this sort I don't autohate but have been done to death. I have always liked some of the anons' input around input so I'll give it a shot.

> I could go either way, and this one didn't grab me since it was focusing on committee meeting drama and miscommunication, rather than the actual engineering of the building.

I think this can be summarized as: Why have what happens in slack at work be the driving force of  the plot? Plumbing, I known little but I can get engrossed in something if presented interesting enough.

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 >>/9695/
I am going to throw in my two cents as well.  

Fear and Trembling:'
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/66330/fear-and-trembling
This fic caught me off guard in very good way. I am not sure how much of that requires what my expectations were going in and how personal they were to just me. I will be citing this fic in a later post sometime.

Rainbow Dash: Re-Animator:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/163282/rainbow-dash-re-animator
This is one of those stories that I thought wouldn't be my cup of tea, but the slightly comedic and more "cartoony" mad scientist feel of it I liked. I think what I liked about the most was the "comfy" feeling of Rainbow Dash and Sweetie Belle working together and sneaking around. It is still pretty dark and serious  Rainbow Dash is trying to undo Twilight Sparkle's untimely death, after all.  I will say I haven't read this in years and some stories I have revisited that I misremembered or now dislike them.I still think it fits though with your requirement of something that is good but a bit off radar.
 
Libera Mé:'
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/96323/libera-m
This one... I am the most mixed on. It looked interesting but I got 10 Chapters in and something just didn't click with me. I had planned to revisit it again.  They made contact with the mysterious monster pretty early on from what I recall. 

 >>/9702/
> Subjunctive

This looks interesting to me as well.

 >>/9702/
 >>/9733/
I've now finished Subjunctive. I feel too low IQ to really get in the nitty gritty details but I did enjoy it and it felt "fresh", compared to the usual stuff I read. I think I am a fan of highly detailed world building that autistically focuses on subtler aspects like that. 

> Rainbow Dash: Re-Animator

This was good but just when I was getting into it felt like that it ended abruptly. It isn't too sort a fic but I think it would have benefited from Rainbow Dash and Sweetie Belle having a little more time being partners in crime together.

 >>/10322/
>  Subjunctive. I feel too low IQ to really get in the nitty gritty details but I did enjoy it and it felt "fresh", compared to the usual stuff I read. 

I have only just barely started to skim it. Will see how hard it is for me to grasp  slight but VERY rudimentary interest in linguistics aside.   

> I was getting into it felt like that it ended abruptly.

I remember partly thinking that myself, albeit:
> over 50k horse words 

I wasn't sure if that was just my own warped sense of pacing from reading so many 100K plus word fics over the years.

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CB here; I had cause to look for some of my material relating to a Rainbow Factory DnD session.

That fizzled, so I stole the characters from the table and continued their adventure without the players.

Enjoy at your leisure; comments welcome but no rush as I don't expect to be writing or playing this in the next while.

 >>/10456/ 
I will look at this when I get the chance.

I hope you have been doing well!

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 >>/10456/
> comments welcome 
> She dove into the crowd belly first, like it was a planned moshpit event. 
> Of all things, the jennet next to her, a nondescript gray and no horn to show for this, '''was casting ponykinesis as if she were a great
unicorn mage.'''
Just from my skim through, I like your word flown and descriptiveness. I find it has personality and... as I have said in the past...
> A sad, wan smile crept over the detective’s face. ”Yes, I know it must seem like that. So, since some of you I know, and the rest I’ll guess about, let me tell you an utmost secret that can’t leave this little enclave. The celestial government itself is fighting some sort of terrorism in this town and the ruffled feathers, literal feathers in this case, need to think they’re being ignored. So I’m
told. So, earthquake. That’s the official answer, alright? And as to the, hmm, homeless did yousay? An interesting word, to be sure. These two have fought them personally.” He indicated the donkey and unicorn. Turning to them he answered the jennet’s question. ”Shane is a bit of a complication. We’re not sure if he’s of age actually dragons being so uncommon. But he wasobstructing justice with threats of violence just the same. He’s to be on a train in a few days,
when there is one, to Canterlot. I guess the princess herself will question him and decide his fate.
Sufficiently detailed to my liking with lots of little word building and extra descriptiveness. I think perhaps I focus too much on these technical details but they sometimes make or break stories for me. Characters have their own voices and personalities. 

I might dig deeper in analysis or a semi review of sorts but for now, if I have any question it is this:
How strongly are these characters based off the old players portrayals  /intentions of your old failed DnD group?

 >>/10530/
> How strongly are these characters based off the old players portrayals /intentions of your old failed DnD group?
As strongly as I could make them, actually.

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 >>/10535/
> As strongly as I could make them, actually.

They were speaking with a certain "voice". How do I put it? Like... I could see the effort in trying that. I felt like you were trying to emulate certain little traits.

 >>/10456/
> Nibbling on one of his gems, Sharp Wit asked ”Pony can fly? Where are wings, pony?” At which point Flarestar’s coat began to glow a gentle red, and when she reared up... she kept going. Flying quickly above everyone’s head she zoomed past Sharp Wit’s ear, and landed exactly
where she had started.
Pony levitation was intended as a power for Twilight Sparkle if I recall, before she got her wings, right. Well, Dolores Umbridge used it but I surprisingly don't see it in fan fiction much. 

> comments
B- Liked it well enough but needs a bit more for me to chew on before I can get a feel if I would like it or not. 

 >>/10530/
> Sufficiently detailed to my liking with lots of little word building and extra descriptiveness. I think perhaps I focus too much on these technical details but they sometimes make or break stories for me. Characters have their own voices and personalities. 
I tend to care less on writing, too big and wordy gets in the way, too small and terse breaks immersion, anything in-between that I'm good. So I can't comment on the technical details other than it didn't annoy me to stop reading. 

 >>/10535/
How much of this was based on the characters and how much of this was based on the people who played the characters? Old DnD, the line is there, but I know for under 20 (30s) something self insert properties play a big roll than just a blurry line sometimes.

 >>/10687/
*Sorry for mangling this. Been up since 3 AM.

Oh and one other thing. This fic exists:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/358972/canterlot-highs-dd-club
> 400K words
> Still being updated regularly. 
I don't like Equestria Girls at all but fics like this, if even half decent, I feel drawn to and repelled by their length. Like, I want to read it to study it, to understand it, and maybe enjoy it. Yet it feels like too much of a commitment. And if it sucks but still draws you in then it is the worst of both words.

Anyone (or on here, I guess you guys still say sometimes) anypony relate?

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 >>/10687/
 >>/10688/
> Pony levitation was intended as a power for Twilight Sparkle if I recall, before she got her wings, right. Well, Dolores Umbridge used it but I surprisingly don't see it in fan fiction much. 

I've had similar thoughts, albeit I am not the most well kept up with fanfiction past 2014, lol! My guess is that unicorns are rarely "needed" -as in character roles or plotwise-for that sort of role when you have pegasi and  alicorns, not to mention griffons, hipogriffs and the like, to fulfill various roles. Thinking of in terms of an RPG, unicorns not levitating or it being a bit taxing/unused on them means you need a flying character (or two!) and thus more interesting party overall/not one OP being able to dominate too much.  I barely have done any RPing though. Just to note.

> B- 

Is that the rating of the fic for you I assume? 

> Liked it well enough but needs a bit more for me to chew on before I can get a feel if I would like it or not. 

< Liked it well enough

> I can get a feel if I would like it or not. 

Don't worry, I get what you were trying to say, you found the fic "okay" but you weren't sure you'd say you enjoyed it. You haven't gotten to know the characters and setting enough. I can still enjoy such things in mid phases sometimes but I have been in that boat too. I still found this little error humorous. 

>  *Sorry for mangling this. Been up since 3 A

Look at some of the other posts here, especially mine, probably find examples worse. No worries. 

> Oh and one other thing. This fic exists:

> Anyone (or on here, I guess you guys still say sometimes) anypony relate?

Yes. I would love, if I had all the time in the world, make pseudo scholarly analysis on long fanfics like that. Maybe you should try it out? I don't hate Equestria Girls but I don't like it mixing with  pony sometimes. Recently had a good experience with Feedback and that was a story I first dropped just because I felt Sunset Shimmer being from Equestria Girls spoiler the coziness of the setting for me.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/248094/feedback
(now, can't say anything on the two sequels yet).

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 >>/10687/
> Pony levitation was intended as a power [unique to] Twilight Sparkle

The way that RP system handled it, you didn't need to be a particular tribe to do magic, thus the jennet levitating large objects, and also a PC could cast, and I think it was literally called this, "falling with style"
Like feather fall but with just a bit more oomph. So Flarestar would use a weightlessness spell to catapult herself into the air, then switch to falling with style and glide around playfully as she slowly drifted back to the ground.
She wasn't actually 'flying' the way Glim-Glam was when she visited Cloudsdale; just floating around from 50' up so she could enjoy the view.

> B-
Meh. It is pretty old now, and it felt at the time as if it was not my writing, because I wouldn't have created those characters. But I've enjoyed re-reading it quite a bit, so there's that.

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 >>/10693/
>  "falling with style" 

I like this name. 

But a walk, tremble?
< 1  2  3      4  5

Controlled, fall is it not?
< 1   2  3    4    5  6  7

The fall might be flight.
< 1   2     3    4   5


Wow, this inspired a Haiku if my medication deluded and already tired brain got this right. It is a poor haiku that could have better wording. The meaning being:
> So Flarestar would use a weightlessness spell to catapult herself into the air, then switch to falling with style and glide around playfully as she slowly drifted back to the ground.

If walking is a controlled fall, this is flight in my book. 

> Meh. It is pretty old now,

How old, if you mind my curiosity?
 
> and it felt at the time as if it was not my writing, because I wouldn't have created those characters.

I understand anon not connecting to it, but I think the story and characters would work and you shouldn't totally discard it. I can relate to feeling disconnected to some writing though. This is not me.
 
> But I've enjoyed re-reading it quite a bit, so there's that.

I have had similar experiences when I have found parts of my aborted longfic. I can relate.

 >>/10715/
> How old, if you mind my curiosity?
Well, you'll see a '2013' in the filename - this was that year's NaNoWriMo effort, so 10-3/4 years ago, almost eleven years.

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Saw Austraeoh being discussed on /mlp/. The absurdly long fic series from Shortskirtsandexplosions Imploding Colon. I tried reading it waaaaaaaay back and got only partly through before either distraction or losing interest. I remember some city with some half alicorn daughter of Celestia and nothing else past that point. Just the first line from pic related perfectly captures my feelings of that beast of a fic:
> There's something great, terrible, and truly melancholic about starting this fic. Every time I look at the series, I'm filled with a sort of awe and sadness for it. For how great a work it is, for everything it represents and all the mysticism surrounding it, and for the fact that it will, inevitably, never be fully completed. Skirts has moved on, for better or worse, and I honestly don't know how much writing quality he's got left in him, nor how many actual days. And reading through this, looking at the comments, I am really, truly tempted to just take the plunge and do the whole series, right away. We will in time, of course. Still, it calls to me, and saddens me, and haunts me in a way few thing can. But enough about me and about that. For now, we're flying east.

Personally, I don't think I would like Austraeoh, the sprawling endless nature that I imagine probably doesn't reveal a lot of what happened hundreads of thousands of words later. The ships, the anime feel at times (don't always hate that but isn't my main cup of tea). Yet, just it feels like a cultural artifact that deserves some sort attention and analysis/diving into.  It has a hauntingness to it. I can remember all those years ago when it was just that single fic updating and gradually noticing it's word count go up.  

Anyway, just some random thoughts for now on a fic I might read someday but is daunting and probably a disappointment in lack of closure. For a possible laugh: >>/10439/

 >>/10722/
> 2013

Protip, chronic sleep exhaustion isn't good for noticing things at times!

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Anypony have horror/spooky recommendations? 

 >>/11189/
The story is a mess, but has enough going for it to appreciate the effort. A lot of /mlp/ anons are grumps who are elitist on fanfiction to the point of being against cultural heritage even if I understand their frustrations with the sin box.   

 >>/10722/
> NaNoWriMo

I have skimmed some of the fics you have written here too. Anything you guys have written that also is horror or at least kind of spooky?

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 >>/11242/
>  horror or at least kind of spooky?
You literally just read a story with "horror" in the title.

That was as close to horror as I get and honestly I don't get how "spooky" is a genre.
I would assume it would read like an intrigue piece written in the center of uncanny valley.

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I'm getting a late start, but I guess I'm going back to see Starry Skies on his journey.

"
Two more deep breaths, and he eased his neck back against the rock face. He felt the absence of magic, but it didn't hurt his time. Before he could steel himself to take another step, however, there was a shadow of something getting flung out from the edge, above him. Following the drifting magic, Breezy Blue, hanging on the edge of his rope, flew in, landing hard against both Starry's sweaty, heaving rib cage, and the hard rock face he stood on. She had a bit of a time reaching the same steps he was braced against, but once she was standing, not flying, she pulled down more of the rope, and grabbed his front right hoof. "Need to wrap this around. Lift up for a second."
Rope around his right elbow, she pulled more spare rope down, crossing over his withers to press against his front left. It took a moment to shift his weight without shifting, but now the rope went from whoever was holding it, to his elbows, alone, and a little ways further to Breezy.
Hugging him tightly, she shouted "We're ready! Pull!" and kicked hard against the stone, tearing Starry away from the only thing keeping him alive and in one piece, the Earth.
Starry only kicked a couple of times, reaching for solid purchase that could never come. It would have been two breaths before he realized he could feel magic again. Not the electrifying, painful surge, but a steady flow, a river of energy so deep he had never felt so at home as during the moment before his death.
Would have been, but he wasn't breathing yet. The rope wasn't taut, and when Starry Skies looked around to see, yes he was mid-air with nothing holding him up, the cliff now easily twenty hooves away, but the pressure on Starry's body was around his barrel, where Breezy's hooves were, as she flew upward, lifting him before even the rope was needed.
"
End of his journey, indeed (?)
2200 words, and I have just started today - an hour or two ago in fact.
Eh. Can't hurt to try.
Unlike AI.

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 >>/11280/
I look forward to reading where you go! I have lately taken an interested in non-MLP ponies that were inspired by them, (and slightly critical of a lot of what I have seen).

> Starry only kicked a couple of times, reaching for solid purchase that could never come. It would have been two breaths before he realized he could feel magic again. Not the electrifying, painful surge, but a steady flow, a river of energy so deep he had never felt so at home as during the moment before his death.

I think... I have mentioned I like your descriptiveness before but I think I know how to describe it better. I have noticed, I am not sure how much of a trend this is, but a tendency towards somewhat more simplistic writing styles and advice against wording like above. So, words like 'purchase' would be swapped out for a dry description and would be less analogous. Perhaps:
> Starry only kicked a couple of times, his footing (hoofing?) unsteady. Not the electrifying, painful surge, but a steady flow. He never felt so at home as during the moment before his death.


> Eh. Can't hurt to try.

> Unlike AI.

Kind of why I have avoided generative AI.
I fear that it may kill my creativity and cause a dependency. Even if I am not blindly against it like some.

 >>/11242/
Very belated, the closet thing I have written that even might count is:
 >>/5108/
A Conversation Among The Stars/The Stars Will Aid in Her Escape (most anons, and myself, ended up calling the latter name for whatever reason). It still isn't horror or nightmare night spooky though. Just running with an idea. 

As for other spooky, I don't have a strong recommendation right now. My fave is comfy/slightly eerie over horror. 
 >>/11246/
> That was as close to horror as I get and honestly I don't get how "spooky" is a genre.

I think spooky as a motif can be a genre, like, fic written for Nightmare Night are often going for a certain set of ideas and feelings. Not all spooky things though, are spooky or horror or whatever one calls it. TDLR: scariness is something that can be invoked in a lot of situations, and  the spooky/horror genre is a specific set of motifs.

 >>/11280/
Do post this when you get the chance. I am curious as well to see where you go with it. The world has potential, the characters just need more development and us to get to know them.

Oh, also, are these AI attempts Starry Skies attempts?

 >>/11301/
> A Conversation Among The Stars/The Stars Will Aid in Her Escape (most anons, and myself, ended up calling the latter name for whatever reason). It still isn't horror or nightmare night spooky though. Just running with an idea. 

An interesting story, but not horror, more of haunting. I don't think you're the only person to have done anything with that concept but I probably have seen the stars as entities only in a couple of other fanfics at most and I think it was more of fluff rather than a focus. 

> I think spooky as a motif can be a genre, like, fic written for Nightmare Night are often going for a certain set of ideas and feelings. Not all spooky things though, are spooky or horror or whatever one calls it. TDLR: scariness is something that can be invoked in a lot of situations, and the spooky/horror genre is a specific set of motifs.

 >>/11246/
Horror is a genre, but as with any genre there is a lot of grayness with the exact boarder.

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 >>/11327/
> Oh, also, are these AI attempts Starry Skies attempts? 
Almost. I had told it to make a pale-blue pegasus (Breezy Blue) carrying a terrified purple unicorn (Starry) with a rope harness across a steep cliff.

It tended to get pegasus and rope correct, sometimes included cliffs, and had no idea what a harness is or that there were supposed to be two ponies in the shot.

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 >>/11331/
> It tended to get pegasus and rope correct, sometimes included cliffs, and had no idea what a harness is or that there were supposed to be two ponies in the shot.

I can't tell if that is Breezy Blue or Starry Skies in this shot. One of them is a green flying eel thing now, apparently. That would be a funny challenge, writing a story based on whatever the AI gives you for each scene. I almost feel tempted for something stupid. 


 >>/11327/
Interesting that you use the word "haunting", I am curious as to what you mean it to mean. I often use that word, and with a slightly broader definition than some (I think).

As for the stars as entries, I have personally run into a short story (forgetting the name) that I need to read that I think also runs with that concept. Part of me is surprised there wasn't a bit more of it, earlier on, considering in the fist episode and the fandom ran with every little thrown away line and concept back then(or did it? In rewatching Season 1,  >>/8890/ , I have noticed some other little things that I am surprised didn't get more attention). I think mainly what happened in early fics Luna was portrayed controlling the stars/having domain over the night and that was taken as merely an instance of "the night" doing her bidding without the thought on the stars as figures in their own right.

 >>/11332/
> I can't tell if that is Breezy Blue or Starry Skies in this shot. One of them is a green flying eel thing now, apparently.

I personally lean towards it being Starry Skies, albeit possibly genderbent. It looks more purple to my eyes and s/he is the one with the harness around her/im. 

> That would be a funny challenge, writing a story based on whatever the AI gives you for each scene. I almost feel tempted for something stupid. 

It would be the inverse of AI prompting. It prompting you with a visual and you have to creatively come up with the rest. That might be more fun.

> I am curious as to what you mean it to mean. I often use that word, and with a slightly broader definition than some (I think). 

I meant in the sense: the setting and characters sort of stick in a lonely way even if it is ultimately a bit whimsical. Doesn't haunting mean something that wraps you in and sticks with you, in a slightly nostalgic and melancholy sense? What do you mean it by?

 >>/11280/
How far along did you get in this one?

 >>/11494/
I never was able to collect together the attentiveness to get another segment. So that 2200 words was it for that attempt.

I'll get back to it. Probably. I'd like to, certainly. But while I'm working through my sleep cycle and surviving on 3 naps a day to make up for it.

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 >>/11332/
> That would be a funny challenge,

> writing a story based on whatever the AI gives you


 >>/11337/
>  It would be the inverse of AI prompting.


Here's one then: I asked (with a bunch of sure-to-hail-from-Uncanny negative prompts) for a picture of mares comparing


*negatives:
< loab, DIGITA PNTICS, road_kleenex, ennervation

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 >>/11499/
I might take you up on it, I have written a little bit of horsewords of late and maybe I could pull off a creepy short story?

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 >>/11989/
Eh; have a few easier ones.
First I saw someone post about Blackjack, meaning the card game but I thought it should be easy enough to make a red-and-black alicorn.
> guess not.

Next some copy-pasta from someone else's AI prompt to get an exhausted Twi going through every last book late into the evening.
The really amusing part is the negatives. So, after specifying there's a table, and a book, and just Twi's head visible staring at one of those two things, the prompter felt (had learned?) it was necessary to negate multiples of: anuses, clitorii, ponuts, tails, heads, and also avoid anything 3d or source-filmaker.
> after specifying hyper realism

That last image. It's the only one with that look in her eye. Usually when she's looking across the table she's clearly blaming you for the catastrophe she's researching how to shut down properly.
That's not what I see in her eyes here, though.

 >>/12006/
in retrospect, AI prompts of stories that haven't been written yet probably deserve to be in their own [containment] thread.

It's way too easy to slap together an AI copy/paste job that looks like an image that could come from a story. It is WAY more work to write a story that begs for an image of a scene.

 As any writer in here would know. I feel like quoting U2, and this quote I even overuse because I see it so often, but
Every artist is a liar, every poet a thief.
We kill our inspiration then sing about our grief.

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 >>/12006/
> meaning the card game but I thought it should be easy enough to make a red-and-black alicorn.
She doesn't look bad though. She almost looks like a gender swamped Sombra. 
> That last image. It's the only one with that look in her eye. 
I think the second to the last one she looks morning grumpy over angry, but yes, that last one she does have the look of somepony doing a research project on the double. 

> It's way too easy to slap together an AI copy/paste job that looks like an image that could come from a story. It is WAY more work to write a story that begs for an image of a scene.
Agreed. Especially if inspiration tries to take you elsewhere. 

>  As any writer in here would know. I feel like quoting U2, and this quote I even overuse because I see it so often, 
Yes, it is fitting. I post New Years Dayevery year, so if anybody overdoes U2 it's me!

> in retrospect, AI prompts of stories that haven't been written yet probably deserve to be in their own [containment] thread.
I had been toying with the idea of bringing back a thread that served the purposes of the old mmaymays GET thread  >>/400/ which we used to post stories that didn't thematically fit elsewhere ( >>/3835/). Maybe AI could fit in some write dump thread? Of course, that would be the time there would be a sudden burst of activity and we end up with the need for a seperate AI general.

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I like to write about ponies.

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 >>/12052/
That is great! What sort of ponies do you like to write about?

In one of my FoE pieces, I started in a stable that was trying to breed alicorns, and had created a few half-breeds that:

* had a horn but couldn't magic
* could fly, but had no wings
* HAD wings, but could *not* fly

and a random-ish internet critiquer said I made cute earth ponies.

So in an effort to make a short-story (5K or less) I started with a wingless pterippus, and he was disappointed with how lackluster his flight magic was.

> According to highschool urban legends, you can eat the soul of a pony
> and gain their magic

So I'm going to try to write the rest of it this week and then I'll post it here.
Probably.

 >>/12557/
Oh, right.
HAD wings, could not fly

 >>/12557/ 
Shining Armor and Cadance were surprised at Flurry Heart, so, you could play with the idea that true alicorns are rare while OP unicorns or pegasi are common from alicorn x normal pony pairings and it's hard to get it exactly _right_.  


 >>/12053/
I actually like OC centered stories that take place in the main universe but are completely separate with the main characters as part of the setting. Hard to do considering how bad OCs can be, but when it is done right it can be fun. Now, I rarely write, so I guess it's preferences on reading.

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 >>/12557/
1,800-ish words to get the big reveal. Now, how quick to clean up? This is actually a huge mess (gryphon invasion army is poised to take over the small-town's coastal air collage and mean time it seems a local ritualistic murder has just been solved.
Unrelated, but it does complicate the invasionary response.

 >>/12567/
> He didn't have wings, depending on how you meant that. But he could feel them, and while he could 'flap' through a wall, or another pony, he could also feel where his wings were. Folded them perfunctorily during class – and it had been found that when Snow Drift pushed him along, he needed to lock his wings straight out, and not try to 'help' fly, but just to soar, and steer while under the thrust of Drift's wingpower
Okay, I find the premise and description of his half breed Pegasi flight magic interesting. You have my attention there. It is something of a personal interest as I had a fic I had written (on paper, when I was a teenager) with a character who was a unicorn but with Pegasi magic, and thus, she could control the weather and cloudwalk naturally but not cast normal spells . I think this is the kind of concept you can run with and get an entertaining short story or full story out of. 

> Gryphon kingdoms
I like this detail, because I personally went with a slight german interpenetration of Griffons and liked the idea of their being multiple different states/factions like a loosely organized Holy Roman Empire. This became only doubly so after Griffonstone, which is a disappointment for use as the main faction for any Griffon civilization. 

> gryphon invasion army is poised to take over the small-town's coastal air collage and mean time it seems a local ritualistic murder has just been solved. 
 >>/12557/
> According to highschool urban legends, you can eat the soul of a pony
> and gain their magic
Ahem, I think I get where you are going with this one. 

Of any critique I have so far:
MINOR SPELLCHECK TIME
>  They seem to be alive, just
unconscious, and students have been dispatched to the ground to request royal help but there is a large weather patter
> not where Wind Drift 
I assume Snow Drift was looking behind Wind Draft
Heh, yeah, this is the only thing that stuck out to me, though keep in mind, dealing with insomnia. 


Storywise my only complaint, with the 3 pages I have, is that I feel like I've been dropped in without a sense of things. It's hard to hold it against it though, because, well, as I said, 3 pages. The most negative thing I could say is that when Wind Drift ducked out is I don't quite understand what happened  Fears over the mission or avoidance over her unicorn aunt? I also am guessing the aunt might be the unicorn from the royal guard who is crying about her niece being sent on a suicide mission... maybe? That is the only thing I am confused over and that could be easily fixed with context.

All and all though, I am interested and do hope to see more if you get around to it.

Phone posting!
It's... much darker once it gets explained.

Thought I'd caught all the times I confused Draft and Drift. OH well.

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 >>/12577/
> It's... much darker once it gets explained.
Okay... hmmmmmmmmmmm. My presumption was that it had something to do with either Ground Chuck or his parents having eaten or being fed another pony for their normal flight or his abnormal flight abilities. Don't spoil it though, that is just a guess!


> I confused Draft and Drift. OH well
My average post is worse and filled with grammar, spelling, and formatting errors, so I speak from experience of scanning something more than once and still being shocked at the errors I find later, lol!

 >>/12567/
I can't match L23's, Bridgefag's or 5050's autism when it comes to reviewing but next time I remember this place exists I might give my thoughts on it. The premise sounds interesting though I wonder if the invasion plot + the murder might require more than 5000k words to cover properly.

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 >>/12567/
The next 1800 words, right after the first half you've already read. Search for 'new student, pleasant' and it should jump right past the missed plot armor that nopony got but was promised a couple paragraphs above.

 >>/12592/
> The camera was proffered to Chuck. "Get her, Snow Drift specifically, to help you, using this camera. Use whatever lies you want or need to. My colleague has put a tracking spell on it so we'll know to pick her up for … well, anyway."
Alright, here we have some more intrigue and clarification (sort of) on intent. Okay, seeing here: >>/12571/
> Fears over the mission or avoidance over her unicorn aunt? I also am guessing the aunt might be the unicorn from the royal guard who is crying about her niece being sent on a suicide mission... maybe? That is the only thing I am confused over and that could be easily fixed with context.
I had somehow (his brief appearance or my exhaustion induced) mistaken the gender of who I now know to be Snow Ski, (or is it Snow Sky?) Snow Drift's uncle. His concern wasn't fear of something bad happening to her but of her sheer existence and presence there. We also get some key information:
> Snow Drift suddenly appeared and this timing is significant to Snow Ski, presumably with her disappearance.
> Snow Drift had met Ground Chuck Snow Drift only just over three weeks ago, and she seemingly enrolled in the school within that time frame.
> Most significantly, Snow Drift having wings is new.
So, the mystery thickens. 

I don't have much to say on the flow or critiques this time. Perhaps it would be nice to know more of what Ground Chuck thought of everything  going on with Snow Drift. I initially found myself surprised that he was just going along with the royal guard wanting to question or detail his friend, but she is a new friend he hardly knows and seemingly a drifter. Considering the situation and added stress, that is a pretty human-er, pony-reaction. More context before I can fully judge this of course, but that is my take right now. All I will say on the griffon invasion cloud fort at the moment is that I like the concept and think it is something very in show canon even you're more of the type to be running with concepts and the world beyond the show. 

One Grammar Note:
> The unicorn stallion pulled himself together, still weeping but making eye contact with his coworker. Berryfield shook the camera in her aura, and Snow needed several breaths to steady himself before he closed his eyes
I assume the proper spelling is Berry Field based on the conventions your other names have.Though as a mononym I don't think is bad if that is the proper spelling. 

> missed plot armor that nopony got but was promised a couple paragraphs above.
Was that a plot hole or intentional?

 >>/12600/
> plot armor denied

The two unicorn colleagues have been thrown off kilter by the sighting of Snow Drift, or Snow Ski would have had the presence of mind to add the shield to them both.

>  >Most significantly, Snow Drift having wings is new.
Technically all that's been said, is that it's more likely to BE Snow Drift if the pink pterippus has wings.

Re-reading it reminds me of how cheesy of a feel I was going for, despite the drama going on. Ski's niece Drift is working with Draft while Chuck watches pony-chucking right after singing David Bowie's Heroes song in a world that probably doesn't have an equivalent, although I imagine the indigenous Buffalo of the David clan have hunting equipment called the David Bow.

/* /me takes a bow/ */

I keep telling ponies, once I unveil the rest of it you'll be mad at me for making you laugh.

 >>/12601/
I maybe mad I maybe not: something that jumps genre abruptly might be interesting/fun in it's own weird way. The main time. My guess is that Snow Drift murdered somebody for her wings in a creepy and evil way. 

> in a world that probably doesn't have an equivalent, although I imagine the indigenous Buffalo of the David clan have hunting equipment called the David Bow.
Let's not forget the Diamond Dogs! 

> The two unicorn colleagues have been thrown off kilter by the sighting of Snow Drift,
I know you're not aiming for realism but we have plenty of real world examples of authorities being thrown off worse than that (or just being stupid without anything bad going on). I can believe it.