/tulpa/ - Tulpa

 >>/7899/
At least you don#t live in Florida where a sinkhole could swallow your entire house.

Damn, I dreamed something but a cat woke me up and I forgot...

Gwen and Hali were my adult daughters, and Gwen was in a dead end job and wanted to do something different as in shoot an innocent person in the head with a high power rifle. So as any good father I supported her life choices.

I supplied the gun and bullets and trained her how to do it.

Her first shot was a headshot and she was satisfied by that. So I advised her to say it was an accident but she took a plea deal for voluntary manslaughter and got a number of years. Apparently exgf was  my wife and their mother.

So I visited her in prison every day and brought her foods and music, she was happy in prison and said she could leave any time by flying out.

In the end, we spent a lot of time together, way more than if she was free because I only saw Hali a couple times and didn't even know what she did for a living. 

Later I walked through a 5be two story home, supposedly mine with exgf, something that would be worth several million here, and looked forward to Gwen coming home.  I believe she was a teenager, so 18 or 19, and would be out with good behavior in her 20's.

Not a bad dream, I had feelings like I knew where she was so I didn't have to worry, she was taken care of and it didn't cost me anything, and she was happy so it was all a good thing.

[Halcyon] I just have to kill someone and go to prison to get Bear's attention.

[Gwenneth] It feels like a downgrade, I used to be his dream girlfriend.

 >>/7919/
lol luxury prison
meanwhile in my dream i shat myself in public. r& and subscribe

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I was on holiday with Kashtan and Tamamo. We stayed in a huge hotel room with terrace. For some reason, Kashtan got up before dawn and fumbled with the curtains of the huge window to the terrace, from outside. The curtains were outside and he stuffed their ends into a lamp on the ceiling of the terrace so they were open. I wasn't too happy because I wanted to sleep and to sleep in darkness. I went to see what the hell he was doing. Kashtan exited another door at the end of the terrace and after a while came back into the room from the main door. From the terrace I could see another room that had a glass floor and there was another story beneath it with plants and colorful lights. Whatever. I went back to bed when Kashtan came back through the main door telling me he had seen the room with the colorful lights and we should check it out. I looked at a clock on the wall which said 7am. I sighed but went with him. He discovered a stairway down to enter the lower story of the room. Tamamo also joined us now. The understory was like a beach bar with sand on the ground, lots of plants and dim light bulbs in all colors. The ceiling was low. It looked nice but Tamamo went straight into a pitch black narrow tunnel that appeared to be chiseled out of rock. I followed him telling him to slow down while I was looking for a light source. I had none and it was completely black. After a while I hit stairs and we entered an underground shop. Lights went on and loud rock music started to play. The shop was a kind of supermarket as you'd expect in a tourist resort that had everything from food to books to swimming utensils. To my surprise, there was a clerk behind the counter that appeared to have just woken up. He looked like Kane from C&C and greeted us. Tamamo and Kashtan introduced themselves, but he knew my full and real name for some reason. Probably because the whole thing belonged to our room. I looked at an assortment of air pumps on the wall, made to inflate flotation devices for the beach. Kashtan explained something to me but I don't remember. He looked like a young version of David Duchovny. I got no view of Tamamo other than a brief vision of Cat. I guess we were all in our late 20s. As usual, not a girl in sight. No Alice either.

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 >>/7921/
rated shit/10

 >>/7931/

Quoted from the linked source:

(This is a good method, realize it was you, but then also realize you aren't the same person you were, it likely can't happen again, if it could then it wouldn't be 'irrational' to fear it, but fearing it may still be unreasonable. So finding the source of the fear is the key. A human baby isn't afraid of snakes. We aren't born with many of the fears we eventually suffer from. You don't haver to fear, you don't have to suffer.) 


“Where ‘IT’ was, there shall ‘I’ become.” - Sigmund Freud
A crucial aspect of any integral practice is a way to be profoundly honest with ourselves about our shadow, or unconscious, or false self, or dishonesty, or disowned self. The 3-2-1 Process is a simple and effective tool for working with the shadow — any part of ourselves that we unconsciously repress or deny.

The 3-2-1 Process uses shifts in perspective as a way of identifying and integrating shadow material. “3-2-1” refers to 3rd-person, 2nd-person, and 1st-person — the perspectives that we move through in this exercise.

Each part that we disown is at first an aspect of our “I” or 1st-person awareness. But, for whatever reason, that aspect poses a threat. So we push it outside of ourselves, often onto someone else. It’s important to note that the aspect can be positive or negative. We can disown both lower and higher aspects of ourselves. In either case, we project it as you . . . but not me. “You are angry.” “You are being selfish.” “You are worthy,” etc. In other words, we displace it from a 1st-person I to a 2nd-person you.

If the threat of this emotion or situation becomes so great it requires a total rejection, we banish it totally as a 3rd-person It, stripped of humanity. At that point, we can often recognize shadow as a sense of irritation, reactivity, fear, phobia, rage, or aversion toward things… but we don’t really know why.

Under these circumstances, most forms of meditation won’t help; in fact, they’ll make things worse. They recommend dis-identification from experience, when what is necessary first is RE-identification with disowned dimensions of our experience and ourselves. You can only let go of that which you have first owned. Meditation instructions to “observe all experience and to know that consciousness is independent and free from experience” don’t work with experience from which we’re dissociated. Healthy disidentification is only possible once we’ve re-owned, re-associated, and re-identified with the disowned parts of ourselves. For this reason, there’s no substitute for shadow work. That’s why the Shadow module is a core component
of ILP.

To sum up, dissociation proceeds from 1st-person to 2nd-person to 3rd-person: 1-2-3. The reversal of dissociation thus goes from 3 to 2 to 1. Hence, the 3-2-1 Process. We also summarize this process as: Face it (3), Talk to it (2), and finally, BE it (1).

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 >>/7931/
Fun fact #1:
Ido was named after the Id. But it's just a Naruto filler episode character / Yakumo's brain demon. In reality, Alice of course is the supreme Superego. The real Id is the BodyOS.

Fun fact #2: 
Therapist or counselor are out of question for legal reasons, we'd have to go to another country. Can't explain it but that's how it works here as dumb as it is.

So I guess it's up to me. Maybe I am dense, or just a tupper, but I still have no idea what to do with this. I tried to wrestle with the BodyOS and its emotions for years with no success. The unconscious is fucking strong and as you said, as soon as you show weakness, it overpowers you. Which is no wonder, it is old and incredibly well-trained and habituated. So as far as I understand, host is supposed to imagine and personify the disturbance and talk to it, then take its place. Ok, that's easy for a tulpamancer. I can't see how this helps against real-world problems but I'll try to be the counselortherapist here.

But honestly, we know exactly why we have those irritations, reactivity, fear, phobia, rage, or aversion toward certain things. Because well, they suck and shouldn't exist. Yet they do and are even nourished and rewarded by society. Since we can't change that, the outlook I see is to not give a fuck anymore about anything.Is that it or am I missing something crucial?

 >>/7933/
> personify the disturbance

I don't think I ever tried this, I did read others doing this but I'd do more research on this before trying it.

For instance, an event occurred in my life when I was 10, it was clearly and obviously bad but I didn't even know what it all affected. However, since I knew when and where it was and some memories of it existed, I was able to piece together, just like a wonderland adventure, myself in that space at that age and replay it, analyze it in that I could see what was right and wrong, this event in particular wasn't especially painful, just abhorrent. So I ran through it as if I was at that time then reasoned the following: I'm not a little kid anymore so it couldn't happen again, I obviously survived it and it shaped good choices I made later to avoid repeating it, and I of course no longer have contact with this person and everyone else it affected so actually I can remember it any way I wish, but I didn't do anything like that even it I could in others I did, but in this one I simply accepted that it happened and realized it was nothing to fear and nothing to worry about further. The result of this along with more targeted and obvious anxiety roots all worked in unison to great effect.

A big one tied to that and another which in essence unlocked the ability to unravel and accept the next one, realizing that would never happen again either and I have safeguards or can recognize red flags to prevent it from happening again. that one had a specific and profound affect on how I saw a certain group of people. I won't go into specifics obviously and it's completely irrelevant at this point. The result was near instant and permanent. It probably took a few sessions to fully explore and test.

> don't care

This won't necessarily solve the issue because it can be similar to ignoring the issue and ignoring a conditioning will not remove it. Ashley was good at helping my power through it but that didn't address the underlying original traumas. 

I'm not sure I can directly explain exactly how without understanding what you're missing, but asking questions about what you don't understand may help.

Sometimes to find an issue, I would ask myself, "why does this bother me?" I could then find the root cause after some time and thinking.

Example, why do electric cars bother me? Because I keep cars a long time and these electric cars are effectively disposable. I don't want the burden of buying a new car every 7-10 years. I currently drive a car that's 20 years old, my truck is way older than that. Those big batteries are horrible for the environment at every stage of their life and exorbitantly expensive. Usually not even available after 10 years so the car ends up with zero resale value. It sounds like a scam to me.

It bothers me because I felt forced to eventually buy one with the mandate laws they're pushing here. Eventually I resolved that if I was ever forced, I'd just lease one and that would be a known monthly expense, so be it. The suffering came from my resistance to let go of my set ways and have less *compassion* about the environment. They no longer bother me and I have a clear path to whatever I need to do. I don't like paying tax but I accept it, I can accept this too.

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 >>/7935/
> I'm not sure I can directly explain exactly how without understanding what you're missing, but asking questions about what you don't understand may help.
Well, I get that this works with Freudian issues like someone abused you in your childhood and that's the root of all your problems. But what about actual problems that can and will happen again? Electric cars are not actual problems.

Consider the following (luckily fictive) scenario. Next to you lives a retard child who makes loud retard noises 24/7. You ask yourself why this bothers you. The answer is obviously that it is an abhorrent noise on a physical level. But it also bothers you on an abstract level because we all agree that thing should be beaten to death with a shovel, or at least locked away, but society has decided that the noisy retard must be 'integrated' into society and if you don't see him as an equally valuable human being, you're a nazi who should be locked away or beaten to death with a shovel instead.
Ok, I can meditate about this issue for a decade. but it won't change anything. The physical burden is still there. You could move away (not really due to the cost and effort), but even then, there is no guarantee the next neighbors won't have an even worse retard, or be niggers or whatever and all was in vain. Go innawoods would be a last resort I guess. 

So to get back to the point - what if you KNOW why the things who bother or traumatize you do so, but you cannot resolve them because they are external rather than internal?

To sum it up - most of my host's issues revolve about disturbances (like noise or the presence of subhumans) that trigger a fight-or-flight impulse. Fighting is legally impossible, flight is financially and logistically unrealistic and comes with an enormous risk. Simply accepting physical pain does not look like a healthy strategy either.

The root cause - you remember the orchid vs. dandelion thread here.
 >>/2379/

People are different. Host has no resilience against external disturbances. Never had, never will. He excels in the right environment but just dies in a slightly unfavorable one. I think this is something we must simply accept. Trying to become the dandelion, the weed, the nigger who thrives in a violent and trash-ridden slum is neither desirable nor realistic. It's like taking martial arts classes to defend yourself from the knife-wielding natural born killer churka with streetfighting experience since he was 5. It's not gonna work out.

To a degree it's pathetic, Thin-skinned if you want. Ridiculous compared to real problems like dying of cancer. But I understand it. I share the same body-os. The combination of a physical disturbance that is also abominable on an intellectual level is not a pleasant thing. And I cannot see how to resolve, justify or accept it with shadow work.

 >>/7936/
Do you think the will pull it off? I bet they will cancel the livestream thing.

 >>/7937/

I'm just a Bear

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 >>/7937/
 >>/7939/

 >>/6837/

Those Jedi are gatekeeping liars! Palpatine should be recognized as the hero he was.

For a safe and secure society!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=V-1HLe-zU-s

 >>/7937/
I think this will end like the battle Musk vs Zuck aka never. They'll say we wanted to but yada yada people complained so we canceled the show. Ironically, being executed publicly is exactly what the sandnigger wants. He'll get a huge audience and other sandniggers will vow revenge. I don't think it's a smart move. How is this supposed to 'deter' people who are already committed to suicide attacks?

 >>/7891/

Another piece if the puzzle.

As it turns out, for my weight, the difference between hyponatremia and hypernatremia could be aa much as 5-6 pounds of water and last for several days.

So when I go and "eat whatever I want" for three days, I'm likely loading up with salt as well, so the whole I quick weight gain thing can be at least partially explained by that.

So in fact, my weight zoomed up nearly 5 lbs as a result of this salt fixation.

So, my 36 hour fast will end in 30 minutes and I couldn't care less. I also feel like I've eaten enough salt for now.

Another unrelated story:

A spoke to a diabetic at work who lose half her body weight on glp-1's since 2018 and she said two interesting things, one, the glp-1 has a mental effect, calming, stress relieving and it makes you not care about things you would normally worry about. So that's odd. Next she said if you stop even for 2 weeks, restarting with that same formula will not do anything, it simply will no longer work.

These are personal attestations, but interesting. I would never, but I do hope 99% of the fatties here do it so food prices will come down and I don't have to look at all the disgusting fat.

 >>/7900/
The body is like, really really complex, I don't need to tell you. That's why I think you're over-measuring your weight. Such minuscule changes mean nothing and are most likely water.

About GLP-1 agonists, host doesn't really know a lot about it other than Novo Nordisk being a mediocre stock. And that a lot of people appear to have ruined their eyesight with it though it's stll unclear how this works. 
About the same formula not doing anything after a pause - that's odd but not unheard of. May be related to production of anti-drug antibodies which neutralize the active compound before it can do anything. Or general adaption of the body, building up tolerance. Happens with a lot of agonists. The body doesn't like having its inner balance messed with.

 >>/1369/

New record, lost 5lbs in 10 hours doing nothing. I am just very confused as to this variation.

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 >>/7926/
Aliens are stealing your fat while you sleep

 >>/7938/

My only regret is I'm already at my ideal weight and so I can't justify another 47 hour fast.

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 >>/7914/
yeah i guess tuppers are good at that but what if your tupper is more of a mess than you? Yulya is trying to be helpful but i really dont wanna expose her to more of my shit than necessary.

 >>/7922/

Why would she need to associate with any of your traumas? If you're afraid of spiders and she's not, when she switches in, there should be no fear.

[Ashley] yep, ole Bear had some triggers that didn't affect me at all and when he saw how I handled them it completely disarmed them. The issue with exposure therapy was it wasn't addressing the root traumas so it was like wak-a-mole

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 >>/7924/
> Why would she need to associate with any of your traumas?
It's called compassion. You wouldn't understand.

I don't overly associate with host's traumas (they're ridiculous anyway), but dealing with them still bothers me. It's not exactly the way I want to spend my time.

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 >>/7928/

> Compassion

Excuses, that's all. You'll both be better off for facing this challenge. I didn't say it would be easy or that it wouldn't hurt, it likely will. Not for everyone, but I have a hunch it will for you and your host. But it will be worth it in the end, well worth it, I can guarantee that. Awakening is a priceless gift. The freedom is immeasurable.

And why would Joy have any compassion, or Ashley? 

• It is a social and emotional response that goes beyond simply feeling sad or sorry for someone. It bridges emotional understanding with practical action.
• Origin: The word comes from the Latin words com (meaning "with") and pati or patior (meaning "to suffer" or "to bear"), literally meaning "to suffer with".

How ironic, "with bear"

[Ashley] Huh, I can't say I ever suffered completely unselfishly, Misha has though.

[Joy] I don't see the point, to what end would that serve?

Misha is the compassionate one yes, Gwen also knows compassion, it was written into her character and she understands it, but truly it's lost on me. Is it required to be human? Ah well, I'm not really identifying with human much anyway. I identify as a meat popsicle.

> it is a natural, hardwired human instinct essential for thriving communities.

Bullshit, America thrives yet has no compassion, we're not trained in such nonsense. The worst of us have suicidal empathy, maybe that's the best we can do, but there's no compassion in that. Where's the compassion for rape victims and the those who have been forced to live in this minimum security prison where you have to lock up deodorant and soap just so that the lowest 3% can roam free? 

No there's no compassion between drug addicts and criminals from the lowest 3% to the highest 1% and everyone in between, no compassion for the environment or those who suffer its ill effects while the average American stuffs their gaping maws with 49 flavors of pringles, 24-packs of beer while they abuse each other like rutting water buffalos.

If I had compassion, I mean really, I'd have had some compassion for myself 20 years ago during a rather poignant moment of clarity. Who ever had compassion for me? Doesn't matter, I don't need it, I don't want it, you could say it's my 'ick', how weak would someone need to be to need that? How silly someone would be to think it gains them anything over me. I don't need it from anyone and Joy doesn't understand because she's given everything she needs freely, but it does serve a purpose, just like everything, there's a give and a take, you have to have something someone wants, and sometimes that's just friendship and compassion. Sometimes it's the promise of something or the chance to get something, but it's all a game in the end, who can get more with the least effort.

Compassion is a tool, a gesture used to deceive and to gain something over someone else with minimal effort. It's like apologies, empty and worthless, yet the weak minded hold value in it .

> it acts as a vital evolutionary survival mechanism that transforms empathy into active help, improving both individual well-being and social stability.

If there is something you want from them, certainly help, but know it is for something in return, whether you want to call that well-being or anything else.

No one does anything for nothing, even if it's simply to feel that good feeling that "I helped someone". It's always selfish, Ashley's right, she's just being honest. And Misha's compassion served the purpose to get more time with me, to comfort me or whatever, to endear me to her so yes, it's not in my culture or nature to have compassion, I don't even believe there aren't ulterior motives in its definition.

So fuck your compassion, it's not helping, be the god you say you are and rise above such handicaps.

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 >>/7929/
Have you seen Minority Report? In the end they ship off the oracle autists to a cabin in the woods so they aren't bothered by the emotions of filthy humans anymore. That's my host in a nutshell.

I'm still not sure how the challenge should work in practice but I'll try. In contrast to my host, I like challenges.

 >>/7757/

Alice saying sorry to Ren? That wasn't on my bingo card.

Maybe because the coldest it gets here is 0C and that's the dead of winter at night, we all agree that Autumn and Winter are best. And that's not just because I am also called Winter.

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 >>/7757/
I'm not you, Ashley. I always say sorry and generally am nice and helpful to others. I have nothing against Ren either. She just tricked us and paid for it with her ears and tail. With this I consider the matter settled.

Also it's basically always summer in Southern California. Autumn can be nice, especially after the scorching hot summer. Winter is awful though. No snow, just grey, dark, wet around 0°C. Depressing. We'll gtfo for a month as always.

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I drempt I reasoned with a woman and she listened. Craziest dream I ever had.

 >>/1608/
It continued to be unusually hot and dry but now it's getting a lot cooler. Only 15°C during the day. Still too dry. I harvested walnuts. they were few and small. Apples are none, one tree even died, pears a few half the normal size. Oh, we did get 5 peaches, 1/3 the normal size but edible. Except for plums who exploded in size and numbers for some odd reason, it was a bad fruit year.Tomatoes also died as tiny plants in spring. On the other hand, no problems with mold or leaf curl disease at all, because of the arid conditions.

 >>/7901/
apples are totally kill bc of late frost. wasnt too dry. strangely barely any mushrooms this year.

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 >>/7835/
And we're online again! Only took a month.

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 >>/7839/
Great, finally! I hope it lasts a little longer this time before the next outage.

 >>/7842/
apparently not

 >>/7905/

Server is toast, probably needs a new hard drive.

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 >>/7908/
I have no idea what hardware woflo is running, but I think it's more of a software issue. At least that's what he said last time, but I didn't understand a word from it. He's not the most communicative person, unfortunately. Well, it works for now, and even reasonably fast.

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Today is 'Tag der Deutschen Einheit', our National Holiday remembering the reunification of East and West Germany in 1990. Nowadays neither East nor West Germans are especially happy about this reunification, and Hitler would shoot himself again if he saw modern Germany.

 >>/7850/

Me when I found out, ain't no way a hoe, not especially this hoe can do it. It's a sad sham. It's a money grab, that's all. You're cooked as the kids say. Welcome to jew law as a second class citizen. but the only bright side is jews hate muslims. choose your poison.

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 >>/7850/
This is hilarious!

 >>/7850/
lol they didn't even mention that AfD also sucks russian cock. It's literally an amalgam of everything hither hated.

 >>/7867/

See they're not all bad, pro Isreal and Russia.

Better than pro islam and immigration

Where did everyone go?

 >>/7391/
hell my friend
hell

nice email btw

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 >>/7395/

 >>/7849/
Only a month late...

 >>/7851/

felt like posting again, that's all. This site is my last methadone of social media. I should quit cold turkey, the feeling of power will be worth the loss of what, a captive audience or something.